April 21st Update

I have some good news, and I have some stressful news, and I guess I might have what could be considered bad news but I've come to terms with it.

I have written some blogs that have an edgy critical tone to them, but I haven't posted most of them because I write them when I'm in the full grip of my emotional reactions.  I still wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Looks like my 46 month experience hasn't "cured" me of that old habit.  I look at my life right now and I wonder if it's supposed to be so disheveled.  It feels like I'm balancing on a tight-rope... like the beginning of my cadet career was a wide open road that, as time progressed, narrowed to an uphill path, and then a sunny alpine summit which was also the point of no return when I fully committed to five years in the U.S. Army.  Now I've crossed some rickety wooden foot-bridges and finally I'm at the edge, so close yet so far from graduation.

The good, or humorous, news is that I got back my Portuguese Defense Language Proficiency Test Scores back and I got a 26/30 on the Listening portion which is a 2+ and 30/30 on the Reading portion which is a 3.  That's almost maxing the test!  I'm hoping to use this as proof that I have the ability to learn languages and maybe be sent to study more languages in the future.  I also took the test in Spanish and German.  In German, which I've only been trying to mostly teach myself for not quite yet a year, I got a 1 in both Listening and Reading.  In Spanish I got a 1 and 2 respectively.  Not too bad for a language I've specifically avoided since beginning to study Portuguese, and I'm still quite pleased about the Portuguese results.  I am a little bit saddened that in order to get even basic Farsi or Dari or Pashtun I will need to study for at least a full year especially given these languages are so much more difficult.  However, I am hoping that learning so many different languages has given me an edge in learning other languages a little bit faster each time.  At least it seems sometimes that as I study I'm just increasing my mind's flexibility to identify objects at a level that almost seems language-ambiguous.  Of course can't change one's native tongue, but native-English speaker isn't a bad thing at any rate, and there's plenty of time for me to improve in other languages.

The stressful news is my to-do list is out the door it's so long!  Today I took care of a handful, but there's so many people I need to call or offices I need to stop by and two big papers to finish (which I guess I should be writing now as opposed to this blog, but that's neither here nor there).  I also have a shopping list that needs to be checked off and soon.  I've got to throw out worn out clothes and donate the ones I just don't wear anymore (which is difficult for me to admit).  I didn't turn in some of my big coats from West Point and I'm not sure what I'll do with that... We get to ship some things home, some to our TDY (Temporary Duty Assignment... don't ask me what the Y stands for! but let me know if you know...), and some to our Permanent Duty Station.  I've got to figure out what is going where and what the heck I'm going to do with my car... I just realized even if I ship my car to Germany (since the Army will do that I hear...) I don't have a driving license for there... so... now I have some questions that require answers and I probably should call the travel Counselor.

And finally the bad news I guess.  I am getting in trouble, though it looks like not until next week, which is okay because this weekend is the only one I had anything planned where I wanted to get out of here at least until graduation week.  I'm so excited, yet I've been distant to people asking me about my pre-graduation plans.  In my mind, I need to get a grip of my to-do list before it spirals out of control, and then I can respond more kindly to all these inquiries.  I feel bad, but I think I'm a little bit more scatter-brained than most when it comes to this place.  There's just so much here that I feel apathetic towards, it's difficult to filter what is important and really put my heart and soul into those projects.