I Will Never Quit

Somewhere along the way to where I am now, I lost track of what was important.  My aspiration:  contributing to the end of the gender barrier in combat arms.  The wall is already crumbling, look at the Female Engagement Teams.  Yet it is not fair that women are asked to put their lives on the line doing a cultural or SF (Special Forces) assignment, without recognition for taking the very same risks their brethren take in combat arms.

As a woman, I have struggled internally with choosing a path where I could get my dose of adventure and adrenaline high; and choosing a path where I can help women who join the military in the future not have any doors closed to them.  Some days I am frustrated beyond belief because of the opposition from both genders, but I am not disheartened.  I know what I am passionate about beyond all else is true:  that qualification and not gender is how personnel should be assigned.  Archaic ideas of what women should and shouldn't be doing is not how they should get their branch.

There are women who have served who are opposed to this idea because they don't ever want to be in combat arms, but that's putting themselves on a pretty high pedastol isn't it?  Are they saying they shouldn't be asked to make the same sacrifice as any man who has signed up to don a uniform and be a Soldier?  These women would probably never repeat this, but I've heard it muttered before that they don't mind the gender barrier because they sure as hell don't want to be Infantry.  Well, I have news for them:  they wouldn't have to.

First of all, my proposition is that combat arms be open to women, not that women must be integrated into combat arms.  I would propose no minimum quota in the combat arms, at least initially.  Unwilling women already get assigned to Field Artillery and Military Police because minimum quotas are attempted to be met by the Army.  I know from watching one or two Branch Nights at West Point.

Second of all, and more importantly to me, I would like to say for the record:  Puh-leeze!

If one is scared of being roped into Infantry (Queen of Battle, Hooah!) or having to go to Ranger School, I assure you the commander will readily sign the memorandum to get you out of his or her branch since you probably wouldn't offer much to it.  And as for Ranger, don't worry just refuse to do one of the obstacles, and easy, you're out.  I'm not trying to be snide... well, not too snide, just pointing out that commanders should have a large amount of leeway to reassign disqualified candidates.  Which brings me back to my first point, that minimum quotas are a bad idea.  They leave a bad taste in everybody's mouth.  I am not just trying to call out the timid, I also think that the most enthusiastic woman who cannot meet the demands of combat arms should not be allowed to stay on in that role.  Not everyone wants to serve their country, and not everyone who wants to is capable.  Ask any recruiting office; they will tell you.

But do an experiment and have a couple recruiting offices be allowed to put women into combat arms in a few different locations nationwide, and you might hear some surprising reasons from women why they want to join the Army.

A Slightly Different Tune: Helping

I continue to draw and talk and hum.  I am moving towards my goals slowly and surely.  I checked out apartments near Fort Lee.  Since Transportation OBC is sort of longer, I am definitely on the look out for a place I can really focus at.  I finally get my dream:  a room to myself, a glass of wine, and my laptop on a desk in a peaceful, private setting.  I mean that's all I need, all else will follow.  I've been looking at career opportunities and realizing all the things I've done that actually translate into experience:  my travels, my thesis work, my constant analysis of the world around me.  I welcome challenge and try to learn from people I've identified as intellectual giants in my life.

Today I identified a sharp new cadet girl.  She was quick, and asking great questions.  She was a much faster learner than her squad leader was a teacher.  I felt frustrated for her, but I hope she keeps up that enthusiasm.  She also just had the genuine and honest sound, not the stuck up pride of a new cadet who thinks they are the shit, and not the upwoundedness of a new cadet freaking out because of all the dumb pressure, and not the lackadaisical attitude of a prepster who just doesn't care.  I got her contact information and told her I would shoot her an email from my AKO account.  If she's as I perceived her to be, than I hope to be some sort of intermediate mentor.  She'll still get guidance from all the same Majors and Colonels who are at West Point, and still from the coaches and seniors of whatever sport she does, but I can hope too help with my current experience living the officer life from 2011.  I just felt the urge to be available to this girl.  It was the only way I could think of to counteract the frustratingly inadequate leadership of her squad leader.  No offense to him, poor thing, but he just wasn't enough and she was particularly bright.

Continuing my own pursuit of self-improvement I launched into Rosetta Stone Level 3 for German and was pleased to understand quite a bit.  It's been a great supplemental tool to all the practicing I do but am too shy to put into practice with my german-speaking friends.  I also tried some of the individual lessons for Rosetta Stone Farsi and was grudgingly able to admit they were decent review pieces.  I still wish I had time to write notes, which I guess I do except then Rosetta Stone likes to think I'm particularly dumb for taking so long on the pronunciation portion.  I know all this language work will pay off eventually.  I guess since I've gotten away from learning all the languages of Europe, that I'm headed towards the Strategic side of things.

I am still happy to have gone the military route, and still trying to figure out how West Point changed things.  A friend doing an internship in D.C. told me he was happy with West Point because what other institution would pay you to travel the world and just learn?  I guess he's right, but at the same time I cannot forget all the shit I went through at West Point.  The good far outweighs the bad, but the bad was frustrating many times.  Many of the individuals who go through West Point do so with the expectation that the world somehow owes them.  It don't owe you a thing... I have come to respect my Senior ROTC officer graduates who may have enjoyed a regular college life more often but who proceed with the intention of doing the best at their level having less control over where they go.

Of course whether West Point or ROTC, I prefer the company of individuals based on them caring about their job or - outside military matters - caring about something.  Basically not just plowing through friends and running straight for the stars whilst pushing over and back stabbing their peers for promotion and prestige.  I think the best thing for human beings to do with their lives if they can with even a fraction of their energy it is to make the world a better place for the oppressed.  It is not the same as simply bettering the world, any Capitalist could explain the economics of how his personal wealth improves the quality of the world, and while that person may be correct, it is the principle of the matter.  How have or can you help the bereft?

April 21st Update

I have some good news, and I have some stressful news, and I guess I might have what could be considered bad news but I've come to terms with it.

I have written some blogs that have an edgy critical tone to them, but I haven't posted most of them because I write them when I'm in the full grip of my emotional reactions.  I still wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Looks like my 46 month experience hasn't "cured" me of that old habit.  I look at my life right now and I wonder if it's supposed to be so disheveled.  It feels like I'm balancing on a tight-rope... like the beginning of my cadet career was a wide open road that, as time progressed, narrowed to an uphill path, and then a sunny alpine summit which was also the point of no return when I fully committed to five years in the U.S. Army.  Now I've crossed some rickety wooden foot-bridges and finally I'm at the edge, so close yet so far from graduation.

The good, or humorous, news is that I got back my Portuguese Defense Language Proficiency Test Scores back and I got a 26/30 on the Listening portion which is a 2+ and 30/30 on the Reading portion which is a 3.  That's almost maxing the test!  I'm hoping to use this as proof that I have the ability to learn languages and maybe be sent to study more languages in the future.  I also took the test in Spanish and German.  In German, which I've only been trying to mostly teach myself for not quite yet a year, I got a 1 in both Listening and Reading.  In Spanish I got a 1 and 2 respectively.  Not too bad for a language I've specifically avoided since beginning to study Portuguese, and I'm still quite pleased about the Portuguese results.  I am a little bit saddened that in order to get even basic Farsi or Dari or Pashtun I will need to study for at least a full year especially given these languages are so much more difficult.  However, I am hoping that learning so many different languages has given me an edge in learning other languages a little bit faster each time.  At least it seems sometimes that as I study I'm just increasing my mind's flexibility to identify objects at a level that almost seems language-ambiguous.  Of course can't change one's native tongue, but native-English speaker isn't a bad thing at any rate, and there's plenty of time for me to improve in other languages.

The stressful news is my to-do list is out the door it's so long!  Today I took care of a handful, but there's so many people I need to call or offices I need to stop by and two big papers to finish (which I guess I should be writing now as opposed to this blog, but that's neither here nor there).  I also have a shopping list that needs to be checked off and soon.  I've got to throw out worn out clothes and donate the ones I just don't wear anymore (which is difficult for me to admit).  I didn't turn in some of my big coats from West Point and I'm not sure what I'll do with that... We get to ship some things home, some to our TDY (Temporary Duty Assignment... don't ask me what the Y stands for! but let me know if you know...), and some to our Permanent Duty Station.  I've got to figure out what is going where and what the heck I'm going to do with my car... I just realized even if I ship my car to Germany (since the Army will do that I hear...) I don't have a driving license for there... so... now I have some questions that require answers and I probably should call the travel Counselor.

And finally the bad news I guess.  I am getting in trouble, though it looks like not until next week, which is okay because this weekend is the only one I had anything planned where I wanted to get out of here at least until graduation week.  I'm so excited, yet I've been distant to people asking me about my pre-graduation plans.  In my mind, I need to get a grip of my to-do list before it spirals out of control, and then I can respond more kindly to all these inquiries.  I feel bad, but I think I'm a little bit more scatter-brained than most when it comes to this place.  There's just so much here that I feel apathetic towards, it's difficult to filter what is important and really put my heart and soul into those projects.