Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Had it to Here

I realized today that guys can be crummy (or wonderful) whether they like you or not.  And sometimes in a place like the one I'm in you try to overlook how bad a guy can make you feel and that's not the right answer.  Just because he is the majority and you don't want to rock the boat doesn't justify his actions towards you.  And so many guys harbor this unsettling and low on the radar hostility for women because there seems to be the unspoken fear that women have the upper hand here.  And that doesn't make this place unique, there are all sorts of male-dominated fields where being a woman can subject you to "tokenism" meaning that, due to the low representation you have in field, how you perform goes under the knife and everyone dissects it peeling back layers and over analyzing the consequences of your actions.  It's enough to make any woman a little stressful.  It's enough to make a woman want to mitigate the magnification of her mistakes.

I don't mean to sound bitter or disgruntled.  But even when one tries to make me see the bright side, don't tell me I should be quietly and overwhelmingly “grateful” for a country that historically grudgingly paid for the education of my kind -- women -- at the best institution in the world (because originally it was argued that women shouldn’t be allowed into west point because a majority of west point graduates went combat arms and that wasn’t for women anyway so it wasn’t “necessary” for women to be at west point).  They will let me die for my country but will dictate to me how I should go about training up to avoid such death since after all it was MacArthur who said, "You don't win wars by dying for your country you win wars by making the other son of a bitch die for his"  The Army with it's brass ceiling… and if I ever reach high ranks you think people won't malign my name?

America is highly advanced… but ignoring her flaws out of patriotism isn't the right thing to do.

But all this annoyed talk isn't the vent of a jaded young woman, rather this is the talk of a revolutionary.  I am open and ready for rejection.  I carry on.  Our story, the story of women in the military wouldn't be as interesting if we were given every advantage in the field.  In fact sometimes I am exhilarated by the fact that every compliment and acknowledgment I get in this job is hard-earned against the odds in many ways.  If there ever was a challenging situation to tackle, this would be it.  And I love challenges, hell all the women who stay in these tough and difficult situations must be gluttons for punishment!  Women are the unsung heroes of the world, and the unwept for casualties.  I recently read about misandry... the opposite of misogyny... history, the present-day, and the numbers easily reveal that the idea of man-hating while it surely exists isn't the norm.  It's just a shame when a woman hems in her fellow-woman to protect her male counterpart.  If you are free to be a housewife without limitation, and I bar you no ill will, than let me pursue my goals as a full citizen of this Nation.

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