Turkey Blog

I am pretty amused currently.  A lot of times I am tempted to put smiley faces on this blog... right now one would be fairly reflective of my mood.  Not everything is great, but it's the lull before the inevitable end of semester cram-fest.  I mean there are other things on my mind... things about the car, issues I haven't dealt with.  Snow for example.  I don't even have an ice scraper.  I don't have jumper cables.  I haven't changed the oil and am wondering when I need to do that.  My car, Atticus is his name, seems to be doing well.  I just took a nice four-hour drive through some pretty crazy holiday traffic.  I am still pretty intimidated by traffic in general.  I was happy with how well I performed in the city once I arrived.

Both this evening and yesterday's were well spent playing some Apples to Apples.  Thank goodness for that ice breaker... sometimes I forget what to talk about outside of West Point's walls.  We share so much that is easy to talk about in our little gray fort.  I mean all you have to do is ask someone what they did last summer and everything becomes familiar acronyms and training and complicated systems that have become somewhat intrinsic to me.  I guess this is how people get stuck in the military, forgetting not what, but how to talk about subjects outside of military jargon.  I sometimes want to stop mid-explanation to civilians because as I explain one complicated system I realize it's related to another complicated system and they aren't possibly going to memorize it and no one expects them to... so how about we keep the explanation simple?  And on top of that, the academies are one big fraternity with an overabundance of rules which can all be traced back to an exclusive gentleman's code that was once associated with the place.  And I do mean fraternity because of the dominating male essence of the place.  Delicate, graceful, effeminate?  Nothing at West Point brings these adjectives to mind, except maybe the statue of Fame at the top of the supposedly largest free-standing polished granite column in the Western Hemisphere at Battle Monument.  And even Fame isn't the same, she used to have an exposed breast until some officer thought it was too arousing for the good ol' boys.  At least that's what the description was that I read in the museum, although the Wikipedia article claims it was just because the statue was too large and awkward.  I guess I'll have to go back to the museum to find out for sure...

More tedious research into the laws preventing women from serving in ground combat.  I began reading War by Sebastian Junger, since we're supposed to discuss this come the end of Thanksgiving Break.  I can't help get absolutely heartbroken when I read.  It isn't so glorious really:  war.  It is a tough job.  It is admirable of these men to take on this burden.  But whose to say women can't do this?  Who the hell has the right?  These men face a hard task it is true.  But I believe they have the potential professionalism to handle women at these isolated outposts.  Why don't they?  Why doesn't Congress?  Is the message that under the stress of combat, men are allowed to lose their ever-living minds and go on a sexist, raping rampage with any women who might have the misfortune to find themselves on a combat outpost with the sex-deprived, mentally and physically exhausted men?  Is the message that under a constant and dreadful threat men would irrationally protect women who chose to serve under the same conditions?  Is the message that the social fabric of a mixed-gender unit under heavy enemy fire and subject to constant assault and ambush would disintegrate and all hell would break loose?  What does a book like this do but show that the complexities and complications of war are as much of an issue for an all-male unit as they are for a mixed-gender unit.  I don't believe this would be much worse if there were women interspersed amongst the men.  I wonder if the psychological strength of a woman would help with issues such as PTSD.  I wonder if anyone would admire that woman, no matter who she was personally, and would anyone hold her as a hero in their hearts.  A woman who goes to war can hardly be seen as seeking glory and fame.  It does less good to a retired female soldier to have been in combat.  What good does that do her when she can never have the honor to be counted a Ranger or an Infantryman or someone whose job it was to go to a place and win the nation's wars by engaging in direct combat with the enemy?  It's an honor.  We honor those who take on this incredible burden.  It isn't the same in all countries.  This has nothing to do with my thoughts on war... but once you're in it, and once you are a soldier, you have a duty and a commitment.  A woman who wants to defend her country in the same manner by directly engaging the enemy ought not be prevented and surely ought not to be persecuted for it.

Desert Night-Inspired

I have accomplished a lot of what I said I was going to accomplish this year. I've gotten my drivers license, and a passport, and I'm finally starting to embark on travelling the world. I'm looking forward to Cape Verde, Africa very much and shopping around for a backpack for the trip.

Preferably I am going to buy a camping backpack just because it will have more space and be sturdier, but I feel slightly embarrassed buying one. Like someone is going to make fun of me for either having one or someone who is familiar with them is going to make fun of me if I buy the wrong type. I am deciding between external and internal frame. I am uncertain about ordering one online, but that looks like it's my only option. I sort of want to consult with someone who knows what they are doing because these are expensive backpacks. I am concerned I won't get one in time. I might just buy one after Buckner even though I only have a couple days before my trip. I will have to take a gamble if that's the case.

Moving on, I need to chronicle my driving experiences because I am fresh on the wheel and it would be a crime not to. So I only went to three of the four driving lessons my parents signed me up for and it might be because the conversation on day 1 went something like this:

I exit the house in a blue shirt with the words California Athletics on it.
Mr. Instructor: (after brief introductions and in a sharp suspicious tone) Do you go to school in California?
Me: (annoyed at the tone) No.
Mr. Instructor: (Slight pause while he waits for an explanation then impatiently asks) Well then why do you have a California shirt on?
Me: (same annoyed tune) Because I lost a wrestling match to a girl from California.
This stumps Mr. Instructor who can find no further question, but still has no idea why I am wearing this shirt.

So maybe we started on the wrong foot. We certainly ended on it too because over the course of three lessons he proceeded to make me slow down to less than 10 mph for every turn and grabbed my wheel nearly each and every time. He also continually pulled up on the emergency brake which was between us whenever he thought I wasn't slowing down enough. I was trying not to slam on the brakes. At one point he reached for it and I skidded to a stop. He started to nag me for not going easy on the brakes and I commented that I noticed him reaching for the emergency brake and thought maybe he wanted me to brake faster. He took the hint, but that was also our last lesson together. At the end of it, we agreed he wasn't showing up the next day and after I determined our business was done I left the car. No goodbye, no thank you, and no hand shake. And my mother picked this guy because he was supposedly extremely patient or something.

I passed my driving test on Friday even though I was very nervous. This weekend I've been driving a lot. I drove out to Hueco Tanks with my friend "Pete". I drove to the mall. I drove to my cousins' house. I drove to my friend's house. I drove to Hanks to meet with my old high school JROTC instructor. Then Tuesday Night, 40% off of wings at Applebee's night, I hit my first stationary object. Hypothetically... I was backing out of a tight parking space. I didn't touch the accelerator, but as I swung out I bumped the car next to me. I cursed and braked and panicked. I pulled back in and put it in park. I got out of the car and looked at the other car. It was dim but you couldn't see where I'd bumped the dark blue car. I could sort of see it, but I had to look. Amazingly, the alarm hadn't gone off (I'm assuming there wasn't one). And even though there had been a girl outside, she was on the cell phone and was deep in conversation I saw her throw her hands up and she had the phone on the same side as the car. I took a deep breath, looked around... and panicked some more. Still cursing. I pulled out (more carefully), and got out of there. I met up with my friends at Sonic, but my confidence was shaken by this situation which may be more or less what I described, but I can neither confirm nor deny the actual facts.

So I feel like I got in a big mistake on top of my little mistakes and my personal accomplishment (because I still get nervous driving in front of my parents, family, and/or friends). I have done a lot this time at home. I was also doubly motivated to start cleaning the guest bathroom. I went through nearly everything that is mine and I have thrown out most of it (old make-up and half-finished bath gels and hair gel). I am nearly done. I have organized under the sink. I just need to sweep and mop and clean the mirrors. My dad just replaced the faucet, so the mess from his getting under the sink inspired me on top of a suggestion from my sister. I am going to go buy a new hamper, because I have the leeway to get any kind I want and because the old one is broken and annoying. I like the guest bathroom, because it is neat. I also want to try to clean the skylight, which is literally littered with random debris from who knows how many years. I have a lot to do tomorrow if I am going to get this done before I leave.

Today I also saw several people I hadn't seen in forever. I have to thank AF Academy J. for setting it up. It was good to see everyone, but there was a lot left unspoken and it was clear from the awkward conversation we all felt guilty for letting our friendships fall by the wayside. It wasn't all of us exactly. Two were work-out buddies. One has become a social hermit except for a few people back home. Two connected over mutual schools. At least a few of them are doing a road trip this weekend to see another mutual friend in Austin. It was interesting to say the least. I am realizing that you can't sum up everyone instantly. I am analyzing my situation through a more cool lens though. I am still the same impatient, snarky, quick to call a judgment (possibly judgmental) person I ever was... but I am coming to grips and not feeling so desolate or depressed about it. I am observing from a more objective standpoint. Sure I'm still an emotional open book and easy to read and I still giggle a lot when I get nervous, but I am learning to shut my trap a little more often which is something I find difficult.

Then this night I met one of my cousins for wings at Applebee's and another friend from wp who brought two of his own friends. It was good to spend an evening just conversing and even if I played it down to be more available for my wp friend and his friends I enjoyed the conversation going on next to me and every now and then butted in (in a friendly manner) to hear an interesting conversation. It was also nice to zone out with Mark though, because it was difficult to stay focused when the stories became riddled with inside jokes or involved people I didn't know.

Overall a very busy day because of the school visit. A few teacher's recognized my AF Academy friend and I but we were such nerds in high school nobody said anything about us being there. And I'm not saying nerd like it's a bad thing. They redid the theater nicely, and they are still working on Hanks. There are a lot less portable classrooms now. I never really like visiting the building, but I enjoy catching up with former teachers. I was devastated to discover there still wasn't wireless internet on campus. I just came to expect it from college.

From all this time there is one thing I feel more of: confidence