I hate hills

Today was going well. I finished a paper in time, readjusted my Load Carrying Vest (LCV) and put inserts in my boots that made them fit I think perfectly. I didn't get a nap, but I wasn't that tired today despite going to sleep at 0330 and waking up at 0508. I did well in the swim this morning too. I also had a chance to shoot a virtual target and my shot groups are still "very nice" All this means is that I pulled the trigger on a real M-16 Rifle that had no ammo but has been rigged up with a giant projecter screen and connected to a super computer that tells me where I shoot. It also has gas powered simulated kick. Basically I was having a good day. I was even all over my simple role in the one-rope bridge and made a good suggestion. Then it happened: the hill.

We ran from the river all the way up to the bridge over the Beat Navy Tunnel. I mentally broke down in a way I haven't in a while. It was because of two things really. At this point we were supposed to stay together. I felt myself falling behind everybody else and I panicked. I pushed extra hard at the beginning hoping I could 'fake' my way through the hill. I wanted so desperately to finish with the team. Unfortunately not only did I fall back today but I also wanted to quit at what I thought was going to be the top. Then our rest time was cut short for me since I was the last one to arrive. The whole time one of my teammates is pushing me telling me I'm a fighter and to catch up to the team. My breath was ragged, my frustration mounted, and I felt so embarrassed of my performance. A perfect day ended in depression and a google search for better techiniques to run hills. I hope I can fix this, because I suck at hills, and you can tell so much worse when I'm wearing gear.

I don't know why this little set-back got me all down and out. I guess it's because I mentally broke today and I haven't done that for a while. I've gone miserably slow but I've always trucked on, even shuffling up the steep hills, even alternating between walking fast and jogging when I was really sucking. Today I became frustrated and even stopped before the end and retorted to my teammate's encouragement,

"But we stop here, we always stop here."

It still sounds so damn whiny to me.

Tomorrow we have the 1/1 Trail Timed Run. I guess I better go google trail runs now and hopefully improve my time from the last time, otherwise I will probably feel doubly bad about today. I think as long as I'm within a minute or so on either side of my time I will be happy. I have to remember I am working on my weakness. One of my weaknesses is hills, but I'm not defeated by hills. I just get tired as hell running on them. Wish me luck, since West Point is surrounded by the steep bastards and it's the favorite ingredient for a tough workout.