Something has changed. A content restlessness flows through me. It's the result of wrestling against Missouri Baptist Univ. wrestler Whitbeck and against Canadian Stewart. I was complimented by a few people at the tournament. I was noticed. It is sustaining me. It is a faint glow that might mean dawn is finally coming.
I must admit not all is well... I fought with my roommate yesterday. Besides getting creative with my curse-words, we hashed out some issues, then I swallowed a corrosive dose of pride and spoke with the girl I have harbored anger towards since she dared encroaching on my life this semester by going out with one of my friends and acting like besties with my roomie.
First my roomie and I had an argument that came to a boiling point fast, because of me. Eventually she stormed off to class and I went to buy a $1.49 coffee. Afterwards I went to this girl's room and extended an angry but determined olive branch. I was blunt. She's not a flower. On the contrary I think her sacharrine sweetness masks a terribly poisonous and manipulative person... but one who isn't worth my time. I focused on the fact that I didn't... actively dislike her. I also told her that I wasn't acting any differently towards her than any of her other classmates in my company. I was vague, but direct. I referenced her boyfriend a lot. I brought up our common points (of which there are very few), and I cut her off repeatedly. I remembered another reason I disliked her. She must always be talking. While this makes her fun if you are in the mood for witty banter, it makes her very annoying if you are trying to address her. If only like my cousin she could direct this sheer volume of talking in the direction of a cell phone... than I could afford myself valuable seconds to have some calm thoughts as opposed to frustrated ones edged with, "When you shut up I will answer!"
Either way, my roommate and I resolved our argument fairly peacefully. And I finally bridged a gap that could have been a social disaster. Nothing fatal, but potentially toxic.
I did a map check of my grades. I basically have a chance to make an A- in all of my classes for certain, with the exception of Law classes and Portuguese. Portuguese I can still make an A+ and Law I don't know because I don't know my grades for the - few - graded assignments we had.
I am getting stronger too. In spite of waking up early I did not nap after classes but worked out. I ran 1.71 miles, 14 minutes at increasing intervals and the rest of the time at a 7.5 mph pace. Then during upper body I showed my work-out partner the motions that I felt the least strength in and we modified my lifting routine to add strength where it was lacking. When I expressed a desire to increase faster, he said less rest time between sets. I am over-joyed and looking forward to seeing further results.
Showing posts with label working out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working out. Show all posts
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
NYAC 2009
I wrestled. I lost. Yet I walked away with a smile on my face and pride in my heart. I may have to scrape for every single bit of wrestling time I get, but I will scrape. I will find some way of continuing this pursuance of wrestling. I do love the hard work. I do love the sore muscles. I do love the stinging bruises and the cut lips. I am madly in love with wrestling.
I couldn't see myself as being a particularly great starving wrestler so I went to West Point, but I find myself somewhat fettered here. I have some thoughts that will remain reserved on the subject, but other than that I felt more free today than I have in years since I came to the academy. Last year at NYAC International Open I felt scared and I left crushed and defeated. This year I actually... had some fun. I lost, probably worse than last year as far as results go. But I had improvement. Oh I felt the improvement, it was like a high. I just kept on feeling it in disbelief.
It was possible to overcome my situation and make progress in wrestling? And all I had done was form one link in a support group. One person made a year's worth of difference in me (and maybe I exaggerate a little but I'm trying to make a point). I need to expand this support chain. It's the only possible solution. I have someone who will support me through thick and thin, now I need a practice partner or something like it. Maybe I just need someone to kick my ass in freestyle once a week.
So much to plan. So many possibilities! I am amazed yet humbled by this. I feel like chiding myself, "See... that wasn't so bad was it? A little bit of hard work and effort actually pays off more than grumbling and cursing the system." But I'm happy to have realized it at all, so I will continue to bask in the joy.
I couldn't see myself as being a particularly great starving wrestler so I went to West Point, but I find myself somewhat fettered here. I have some thoughts that will remain reserved on the subject, but other than that I felt more free today than I have in years since I came to the academy. Last year at NYAC International Open I felt scared and I left crushed and defeated. This year I actually... had some fun. I lost, probably worse than last year as far as results go. But I had improvement. Oh I felt the improvement, it was like a high. I just kept on feeling it in disbelief.
It was possible to overcome my situation and make progress in wrestling? And all I had done was form one link in a support group. One person made a year's worth of difference in me (and maybe I exaggerate a little but I'm trying to make a point). I need to expand this support chain. It's the only possible solution. I have someone who will support me through thick and thin, now I need a practice partner or something like it. Maybe I just need someone to kick my ass in freestyle once a week.
So much to plan. So many possibilities! I am amazed yet humbled by this. I feel like chiding myself, "See... that wasn't so bad was it? A little bit of hard work and effort actually pays off more than grumbling and cursing the system." But I'm happy to have realized it at all, so I will continue to bask in the joy.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Frick
So I went and spoke to my DAC (Counselor) as planned yesterday. Basically I got politely told to pull my head out of my ass. Grades are okay but I have been a little bit of a fool with regards to a couple of classes. My evenings have been spent leisurely and my days frought with naps... now it's time to roll up my sleeves and actually work. All of my procrastination hasn't come to a head... it's been caught in time to fix, but that makes it no less of a daunting task to turn a C+ and a C into two bonafide B+'s.
So I made a deal with my DAC, rather he told me exactly what I needed to do and I agreed to implement it and he swore to keep on my case until I succeeded. His goal is for me to graduate with honors. This means a GPA of 3.0 and a Law Dept GPA of 3.5
I have an overall GPA of 2.9 and cannot afford anything less than a B. I certainly need to exceed this with as many classes as possible. Falling behind this early is... unacceptable. I've never felt so caught. Usually it's not till the 9 weeks that I'm concerned or thinking about grades. It's half-way through the semester and I'm getting my wake-up call. I can't tell if that's good or bad.
Oh well, anyway here is the plan: I make a trade-off: either the boyfriend or my naps during the day. If I take naps, I have to devote my evenings to homework. If I do my homework during the day and am fully prepared for the next day I can see my boyfriend. Joy. It's a sensible plan, one I considered but would never have honestly implemented. Now, I'm being told by my DAC to try this plan... what choice did I have but to propose the idea to my boyfriend?
And he completely supports it, even suggested we go to the library this weekend because he's got a lot of work to do too. Which is good... but my naturally lazy self is so opposed to this plan. I have been picking up motivation in athletics and would surely love to let academics slide by the wayside. Instead... yesterday I confined myself to my room suspending all athletic activity-indeed all extracurricular activity-altogether and I caught up as much as possible on academics. It was so difficult to sit there and do homework straight for hour after hour (with 15-20 minute breaks) but it was my day to get my head straight for academics. Today I will do exercise, but I've handled such a large chunk of academic workload that I can comfortably afford it.
Today the budding women's boxing team is going off post I suppose to some sort of boxing gym. I think we just might hit each other today. I'm so pumped and I totally need to let off steam. All this focus on academics has made me grouchy. Part of me is jumpy and wants to sit here at my desk until I'm all caught up, but another part of me knows I will benefit from continuing to try to excel in every single pillar.
I left out militarily how I'm doing, but that's fine too. Tonight after I return from boxing I am going to be counseling all three of my team leaders and inputting my suggested grade for them and for their plebes. That itself will probably take a minimum of an hour and I get back at 2100 approximately from boxing. Looks like this essay on travel for English will have to write itself late tonight although at least I have a solid outline this time.
So I made a deal with my DAC, rather he told me exactly what I needed to do and I agreed to implement it and he swore to keep on my case until I succeeded. His goal is for me to graduate with honors. This means a GPA of 3.0 and a Law Dept GPA of 3.5
I have an overall GPA of 2.9 and cannot afford anything less than a B. I certainly need to exceed this with as many classes as possible. Falling behind this early is... unacceptable. I've never felt so caught. Usually it's not till the 9 weeks that I'm concerned or thinking about grades. It's half-way through the semester and I'm getting my wake-up call. I can't tell if that's good or bad.
Oh well, anyway here is the plan: I make a trade-off: either the boyfriend or my naps during the day. If I take naps, I have to devote my evenings to homework. If I do my homework during the day and am fully prepared for the next day I can see my boyfriend. Joy. It's a sensible plan, one I considered but would never have honestly implemented. Now, I'm being told by my DAC to try this plan... what choice did I have but to propose the idea to my boyfriend?
And he completely supports it, even suggested we go to the library this weekend because he's got a lot of work to do too. Which is good... but my naturally lazy self is so opposed to this plan. I have been picking up motivation in athletics and would surely love to let academics slide by the wayside. Instead... yesterday I confined myself to my room suspending all athletic activity-indeed all extracurricular activity-altogether and I caught up as much as possible on academics. It was so difficult to sit there and do homework straight for hour after hour (with 15-20 minute breaks) but it was my day to get my head straight for academics. Today I will do exercise, but I've handled such a large chunk of academic workload that I can comfortably afford it.
Today the budding women's boxing team is going off post I suppose to some sort of boxing gym. I think we just might hit each other today. I'm so pumped and I totally need to let off steam. All this focus on academics has made me grouchy. Part of me is jumpy and wants to sit here at my desk until I'm all caught up, but another part of me knows I will benefit from continuing to try to excel in every single pillar.
I left out militarily how I'm doing, but that's fine too. Tonight after I return from boxing I am going to be counseling all three of my team leaders and inputting my suggested grade for them and for their plebes. That itself will probably take a minimum of an hour and I get back at 2100 approximately from boxing. Looks like this essay on travel for English will have to write itself late tonight although at least I have a solid outline this time.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Potentially We Have Potential
Today I re-learned a wrestling move from watching the Div-1 wrestlers for about 20 seconds, wrestled hard live during intramurals against a 140 lb guy, inspired three people to go for a quick upper body lift with me after the wrestling, and went to Salsa Dance Lessons and proceeded to laugh my ass off with a good friend. I also confirmed with my friend in F-1 that I was committed to the women's boxing team I just needed reminders. It doesn't matter how much socially I have to give up I am pursuing this and keeping myself in shape if it's the last thing I do. Hopefully if I don't find wrestling in Portugal I can at the very least find a boxing or kick-boxing gym. I've been thinking ahead how I will stay in shape while I'm abroad. On one hand European meals are longer and healthier, but on the other hand I'll sort of be feeling like I'm 'on holiday' and might overindulge. I may be able to work out less often since I'll be living at a regular college with a city and pubs and stores and people to meet. It might actually cost me money to use gym facilities, another consideration. Just to throw that out there I am thinking about it at least.
Have a meeting scheduled with my Dept. Academic Counselor tomorrow, should be fun really. All the instructors have been meeting with yearlings discussing their 'major' decision. Andy is actually losing a little sleep over it, kind of reminds me when I chose my major how much less I thought about alternative options. I visited the Dirt Dept. briefly but they tried too hard to get me to join their department. I like the instructors and the atmosphere as well as the class content of the law department more. I am also still determined to become fluent in Portuguese and am still bowled over that I'm going to Portugal. I'm certainly excited, although things are moving slowly.
Went to the PX with "Sunny" and bought some new white shirts as well as a multi-vitamin for active young women since the cadet health clinic insists on giving the females pre-natal vitamin pills. It really annoys me. I also got some whey protein for post-weight lifting consumption. I'm working out five days of the week (sometimes I skip a Thursday or Friday but I've been working out on Saturdays too now) and I feel more energy than usual.
Had some quality girl talk last night. My roommate is searching for a boyfriend and unfortunately I think she's looking so hard for a boyfriend she's looking at some guys through rose-colored spectaclels and missing out on casual dating. She's still so upbeat and doing great at academics. A girl down the hall complained she still loves her ex even though he cheated on her and she cheated on him. I shrugged, that girl never acts like she has a boyfriend so I don't see how her life has changed that much. I was surprised how silly some of the conversation was. Most of my two cents made well sense and I think everyone was unsettlingly surprised how pragmatic and practical my advice was. The oldest one there, our neighbor a senior, agreed with me the most and had the most mature point of view. One subject that came up was cheating. Senior AKA Lola (not her real name) had talked to a guy and sort of seen him while he was dating his current girlfriend while she was at semester abroad. He has cheated on his girlfriend more than once. Lola said he said skeazy comments like, "You're all I think about." and his girlfriend is back and Lola said she's not interested in him. Then sophomore down the hall AKA Linn (not real name), says,
"Don't you wish sometimes you could tell the girlfriend like show them the proof and tell them their boyfriend is cheating?"
and Lola replies,
"Yeah, but then she still calls you a slut and bitch for cheating with her boyfriend."
and my roommate retorts hotly,
"Any girl who does that is stupid!"
At which point I break in,
"No, Lola is right. You [my roomie] damn well remember how it was, if this guy is over the top by saying you're all he thinks about and he sent you flowers you can bet he sounds so sincere to his girlfriend. If she gives a rats ass about him she'll not want to believe and she'll question the motive of the girl telling her the information. She'll wonder if this girl is just trying to get her to break up with her guy unfairly. Unless of course she already completely distrusts her boyfriend. It depends on the nature of the relationship."
Linn disagreed saying she'd believed a girl. I wanted to say Linn had no concept of fidelity, but managed to keep my mouth shut on that. My roomie sort of understood but not fully. Lola really got it though. And I got her. Even though we'd been the exact opposite roles in that situation with different people I realized I didn't like her any less, I did however find the guy weak and quite the P.O.S. Anyway didn't realize I could have so much fun or offer so much to the conversation.
As far as my own relationship status, true I have a boyfriend, but it's just seeing where it goes. We both have our own goals to pursue. I have boxing and wrestling and academics and lifting weights. I also have a semester abroad. I have salsa dancing and EST (shooting if possible). He has sprint football and academics and big decisions upon him plus one of the hardest academic years to face. He's on top of his game and so far so am I. I have two A's in classes. Soon to be three! At least I'm that optimistic. It's time for sleep or all my self-prophecies will be false for sure. Night.
Have a meeting scheduled with my Dept. Academic Counselor tomorrow, should be fun really. All the instructors have been meeting with yearlings discussing their 'major' decision. Andy is actually losing a little sleep over it, kind of reminds me when I chose my major how much less I thought about alternative options. I visited the Dirt Dept. briefly but they tried too hard to get me to join their department. I like the instructors and the atmosphere as well as the class content of the law department more. I am also still determined to become fluent in Portuguese and am still bowled over that I'm going to Portugal. I'm certainly excited, although things are moving slowly.
Went to the PX with "Sunny" and bought some new white shirts as well as a multi-vitamin for active young women since the cadet health clinic insists on giving the females pre-natal vitamin pills. It really annoys me. I also got some whey protein for post-weight lifting consumption. I'm working out five days of the week (sometimes I skip a Thursday or Friday but I've been working out on Saturdays too now) and I feel more energy than usual.
Had some quality girl talk last night. My roommate is searching for a boyfriend and unfortunately I think she's looking so hard for a boyfriend she's looking at some guys through rose-colored spectaclels and missing out on casual dating. She's still so upbeat and doing great at academics. A girl down the hall complained she still loves her ex even though he cheated on her and she cheated on him. I shrugged, that girl never acts like she has a boyfriend so I don't see how her life has changed that much. I was surprised how silly some of the conversation was. Most of my two cents made well sense and I think everyone was unsettlingly surprised how pragmatic and practical my advice was. The oldest one there, our neighbor a senior, agreed with me the most and had the most mature point of view. One subject that came up was cheating. Senior AKA Lola (not her real name) had talked to a guy and sort of seen him while he was dating his current girlfriend while she was at semester abroad. He has cheated on his girlfriend more than once. Lola said he said skeazy comments like, "You're all I think about." and his girlfriend is back and Lola said she's not interested in him. Then sophomore down the hall AKA Linn (not real name), says,
"Don't you wish sometimes you could tell the girlfriend like show them the proof and tell them their boyfriend is cheating?"
and Lola replies,
"Yeah, but then she still calls you a slut and bitch for cheating with her boyfriend."
and my roommate retorts hotly,
"Any girl who does that is stupid!"
At which point I break in,
"No, Lola is right. You [my roomie] damn well remember how it was, if this guy is over the top by saying you're all he thinks about and he sent you flowers you can bet he sounds so sincere to his girlfriend. If she gives a rats ass about him she'll not want to believe and she'll question the motive of the girl telling her the information. She'll wonder if this girl is just trying to get her to break up with her guy unfairly. Unless of course she already completely distrusts her boyfriend. It depends on the nature of the relationship."
Linn disagreed saying she'd believed a girl. I wanted to say Linn had no concept of fidelity, but managed to keep my mouth shut on that. My roomie sort of understood but not fully. Lola really got it though. And I got her. Even though we'd been the exact opposite roles in that situation with different people I realized I didn't like her any less, I did however find the guy weak and quite the P.O.S. Anyway didn't realize I could have so much fun or offer so much to the conversation.
As far as my own relationship status, true I have a boyfriend, but it's just seeing where it goes. We both have our own goals to pursue. I have boxing and wrestling and academics and lifting weights. I also have a semester abroad. I have salsa dancing and EST (shooting if possible). He has sprint football and academics and big decisions upon him plus one of the hardest academic years to face. He's on top of his game and so far so am I. I have two A's in classes. Soon to be three! At least I'm that optimistic. It's time for sleep or all my self-prophecies will be false for sure. Night.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Maniac I'm Looking For
I had some interesting and new experiences this week. I was present at a Brigade Level Board. Which was an experience not many get to witness, much less be an active player at. I spoke only twice. Once on command, and once I interjected - politely. The reason being one of my subordinates got an alcohol board, it's a pretty serious offense... but it still feels so surreal. Part of it felt like a puppet court. I felt like discussing the case with the BTO himself was deeply interesting, and the legality seemed a distant issue.
Another new experience I had the same day, that lunch actually, was attending the quarterback luncheon. I had no idea why we'd been invited, and assumed at first it was just for numbers. It turned out that the Law Department wants to check up on its little experiment of an all-cow (junior) class taking the mandatory Law class (LW403 mando/core requirement mostly firsties - seniors - take). I ended up not having to speak, and honestly couldn't think of much to say. I preferred the class with all law-dogs of course... but I was in it. Fortunately my counterparts "Boat" and "Kay" both had enough to say to satisfy the issue. The law instructors know my face pretty well by now since I did take an AIAD with them my plebe summer and I hung out at law functions because of my ex. The actual luncheon stood out in my mind because the food was very tasty and there was a lot of big brass and plenty of high-achieving outstanding cadets. The Superintendent (Supe), Current at the moment Commandant (Comm), and the Dean (the Dean) were all there too. After enjoying our meals and getting grilled on our LW403 class our ears were assaulted by the West Point Spirit Band (not the Army Band) with songs we were obligated to clap along to. Then the head coach got up and spoke to us in jargon only football players could really understand... "Double Eagle Flex" or something like that apparently originated in Canada where this is no room for something and here in America we don't usually stack a running back and something else? I was mostly flummoxed.
Finally more news. The current Commandant of Cadets BG Linnington is gone now. He's taken off. Arrivederci Suckers. Hasta La Vista Corps. Auf Wiedersehen Gang. The last two things I remember from his speech included a list and a charge.
The list was 5 possible things he might leave the corps with (1) PMI until Thanksgiving (2)Amnesty to all Alcohol-Boards (3) Civilian Clothes for Cows immediately (4) Unlimited OPPs for yuks and plebes or (5) Rescindment of the long-sleeve winter policy
We cheered and chanted for our favorite, but the decision hasn't been announced.
The other bit was that he charged us all to look out for our brothers and sisters at arms. Especially that we should go out and form those relationships that would last our lifetimes.
Our new Commandant has been here for two days reportedly although I don't recall seeing him (perhaps he was incognito in As-For-Class?) and he was a combat Engineer. The color of the Engineers is Red. Then there's Infantry Blue. Signal Orange. Artillery Yellow? I can't remember them all.
So now for a little more news. Our company went up against G-1 in wrestling and won. It was a nail-biter of a duel. My own match I won... but it was purely because my opponent was inexperienced. He was stronger than me and definitely didn't feel like he weighed 135 lb. Since the weigh-ins are observed by coaches... I'm willing to bet this kid was around heavy 140 lb. Anyway, after a slow start and a couple stupid mistakes on my part, I caught the kid on his back and pinned him. A good confidence boost combined with identification of the things I need to fix.
I've been working out regularly starting this week. I went to Hayes Gym (it's actually the obstacle course gym in Arvin Gym on the 2nd and 3rd floor) and ran on the track above the course. It's a small circuit, 11.7 laps to the mile. Although why the hell you'd be running for 11.7 laps escapes me. Why didn't they just make it 12 laps to a mile? So confusing. Anyway, I've been able to run for longer in the gym than I can on the treadmill or outdoors. I also have done two sets of sprints and the second set was longer than the first. Also now capable of 2 ankles to the bar. Success!
Another new experience I had the same day, that lunch actually, was attending the quarterback luncheon. I had no idea why we'd been invited, and assumed at first it was just for numbers. It turned out that the Law Department wants to check up on its little experiment of an all-cow (junior) class taking the mandatory Law class (LW403 mando/core requirement mostly firsties - seniors - take). I ended up not having to speak, and honestly couldn't think of much to say. I preferred the class with all law-dogs of course... but I was in it. Fortunately my counterparts "Boat" and "Kay" both had enough to say to satisfy the issue. The law instructors know my face pretty well by now since I did take an AIAD with them my plebe summer and I hung out at law functions because of my ex. The actual luncheon stood out in my mind because the food was very tasty and there was a lot of big brass and plenty of high-achieving outstanding cadets. The Superintendent (Supe), Current at the moment Commandant (Comm), and the Dean (the Dean) were all there too. After enjoying our meals and getting grilled on our LW403 class our ears were assaulted by the West Point Spirit Band (not the Army Band) with songs we were obligated to clap along to. Then the head coach got up and spoke to us in jargon only football players could really understand... "Double Eagle Flex" or something like that apparently originated in Canada where this is no room for something and here in America we don't usually stack a running back and something else? I was mostly flummoxed.
Finally more news. The current Commandant of Cadets BG Linnington is gone now. He's taken off. Arrivederci Suckers. Hasta La Vista Corps. Auf Wiedersehen Gang. The last two things I remember from his speech included a list and a charge.
The list was 5 possible things he might leave the corps with (1) PMI until Thanksgiving (2)Amnesty to all Alcohol-Boards (3) Civilian Clothes for Cows immediately (4) Unlimited OPPs for yuks and plebes or (5) Rescindment of the long-sleeve winter policy
We cheered and chanted for our favorite, but the decision hasn't been announced.
The other bit was that he charged us all to look out for our brothers and sisters at arms. Especially that we should go out and form those relationships that would last our lifetimes.
Our new Commandant has been here for two days reportedly although I don't recall seeing him (perhaps he was incognito in As-For-Class?) and he was a combat Engineer. The color of the Engineers is Red. Then there's Infantry Blue. Signal Orange. Artillery Yellow? I can't remember them all.
So now for a little more news. Our company went up against G-1 in wrestling and won. It was a nail-biter of a duel. My own match I won... but it was purely because my opponent was inexperienced. He was stronger than me and definitely didn't feel like he weighed 135 lb. Since the weigh-ins are observed by coaches... I'm willing to bet this kid was around heavy 140 lb. Anyway, after a slow start and a couple stupid mistakes on my part, I caught the kid on his back and pinned him. A good confidence boost combined with identification of the things I need to fix.
I've been working out regularly starting this week. I went to Hayes Gym (it's actually the obstacle course gym in Arvin Gym on the 2nd and 3rd floor) and ran on the track above the course. It's a small circuit, 11.7 laps to the mile. Although why the hell you'd be running for 11.7 laps escapes me. Why didn't they just make it 12 laps to a mile? So confusing. Anyway, I've been able to run for longer in the gym than I can on the treadmill or outdoors. I also have done two sets of sprints and the second set was longer than the first. Also now capable of 2 ankles to the bar. Success!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
It's Been A While
I still have a cough. It seems to be a constant in my life. Speaking in general terms of life, West Point life has gotten ten times easier. I recall the harrowing experiences I had my plebe year and I look at some of these plebes and wonder why I felt life was so hard. It seems every company has a different climate. The one I'm in is much easier-going than the one I used to be in. I love my company to be honest.
I've finally started to make a few mistakes that put me on the radar. It's not a common occurence though, and my history should speak for itself. I missed a couple things this last Friday... but none of them were huge. Mostly it was because of a lack of sleep. A reason this post will not be long.
I sort of realize I'd be much happier if I was on some sort of corps or club squad sport. I would have a purpose outside of mindless cadet crap. The SAMIs and the 'unit training' and the TA-50 layouts. It's not like corps and club squadders get out of doing those things, but they have practices during some of our mandatory events and they have a sport to live for. It's no wonder sometimes I feel so cynical, when all I'm doing feels so small and pointless in the grand scheme of things. Oh I know it has nothing to do with power. I mean my friend is the Regiment Executive Officer. He's second in charge... the only reason he has this position is because he begged for a position that would let him be back in company for the sandhurst season. However, the consequence is he has to answer to someone else who is very demanding and thinks that in order to be an effective leader they must enforce some sort of new policy and new requirements. Notice I say 'new' not 'increased'. Anyway, that's his problem and story. Me? I'm doing okay I'm a squad leader and an intramural wrestler. It's funny to me how much I love wrestling and how much to a couple people it's just a filler.
There is one guy who just gets on my nerves. To him, it's just a silly sport and he's much more interested in learning 'real army skills'. He also can't say anything without coming across as a complete douchebag. Not exactly the social persona you want to have as a future PL I'd say. I'm okay with that though. I'm finding out that the type of person you need to be as an army leader varies greatly in the support branches. So when it comes to the self-analysis question of whether or not I am becoming the sort of person West Point wants me to be... I think I'll just refrain from answering. After all I get the impression West Point wants me to be an Army Infantry Officer and since I'm clearly not going to do that... well, anyway.
So I'm not sure there is going to be another wrestling tournament in NYC this year because I haven't seen any advertising for it and they haven't even posted the pictures from last years tournament. This distresses me. I wonder if it has anything to do with the timing of the Olympics... My lifting routine has suffered because of the past two weeks of basically being sick and having every plausible excuse to not work out too much in between practices. I am tired of this cough and want to be free of it as I work towards becoming amazing in wrestling and hell, amazing in my fitness otherwise. My abs are great I guess since I'm coughing so much. I also haven't had much of an appetite during the week. It might also be three years of this crappy food and I'm finally not stomaching it anymore.
In academics we've finally learned every tense of portuguese (not all the ins and outs and specifics but I can finally say present-, past-, future-, and command-tense). Sooo to say I talk, I am talking, I talked, and I will talk is: Falo, Falando, Falei, Falarei. Falarei com minha mae amanha. I will talk to my mother tomorrow.
As excited as I am to finally know all the tenses, I am tens times more excited and interested in my legal classes. I am a little slower than some of my fellow majors in learning the terminology (probably because I am so unfaithful in my reading of the material) but I have unique arguments and extremely insightful points of view. With those two skills I will do great if I actually put my nose to the grindstone and work. Alas this has always been my problem, I'm incredibly dreamy and this translates to me being somewhat lazy. It's easy to confuse the two.
Finally, all of my focus has been rather dreamy lately anyway because of my new relationship. Is it weird for me to date a sophomore? I can't tell, sometimes I feel slightly off about the situation but never about this guy. He's a great guy, great friend, and so far so good he seems to be in the 'normal' category... yeah he's dating a girl a grade above him... but hey, he's five months older than me. Which is about right for my age because I'm about a year behind my classmates' age and did skip a grade.
I've finally started to make a few mistakes that put me on the radar. It's not a common occurence though, and my history should speak for itself. I missed a couple things this last Friday... but none of them were huge. Mostly it was because of a lack of sleep. A reason this post will not be long.
I sort of realize I'd be much happier if I was on some sort of corps or club squad sport. I would have a purpose outside of mindless cadet crap. The SAMIs and the 'unit training' and the TA-50 layouts. It's not like corps and club squadders get out of doing those things, but they have practices during some of our mandatory events and they have a sport to live for. It's no wonder sometimes I feel so cynical, when all I'm doing feels so small and pointless in the grand scheme of things. Oh I know it has nothing to do with power. I mean my friend is the Regiment Executive Officer. He's second in charge... the only reason he has this position is because he begged for a position that would let him be back in company for the sandhurst season. However, the consequence is he has to answer to someone else who is very demanding and thinks that in order to be an effective leader they must enforce some sort of new policy and new requirements. Notice I say 'new' not 'increased'. Anyway, that's his problem and story. Me? I'm doing okay I'm a squad leader and an intramural wrestler. It's funny to me how much I love wrestling and how much to a couple people it's just a filler.
There is one guy who just gets on my nerves. To him, it's just a silly sport and he's much more interested in learning 'real army skills'. He also can't say anything without coming across as a complete douchebag. Not exactly the social persona you want to have as a future PL I'd say. I'm okay with that though. I'm finding out that the type of person you need to be as an army leader varies greatly in the support branches. So when it comes to the self-analysis question of whether or not I am becoming the sort of person West Point wants me to be... I think I'll just refrain from answering. After all I get the impression West Point wants me to be an Army Infantry Officer and since I'm clearly not going to do that... well, anyway.
So I'm not sure there is going to be another wrestling tournament in NYC this year because I haven't seen any advertising for it and they haven't even posted the pictures from last years tournament. This distresses me. I wonder if it has anything to do with the timing of the Olympics... My lifting routine has suffered because of the past two weeks of basically being sick and having every plausible excuse to not work out too much in between practices. I am tired of this cough and want to be free of it as I work towards becoming amazing in wrestling and hell, amazing in my fitness otherwise. My abs are great I guess since I'm coughing so much. I also haven't had much of an appetite during the week. It might also be three years of this crappy food and I'm finally not stomaching it anymore.
In academics we've finally learned every tense of portuguese (not all the ins and outs and specifics but I can finally say present-, past-, future-, and command-tense). Sooo to say I talk, I am talking, I talked, and I will talk is: Falo, Falando, Falei, Falarei. Falarei com minha mae amanha. I will talk to my mother tomorrow.
As excited as I am to finally know all the tenses, I am tens times more excited and interested in my legal classes. I am a little slower than some of my fellow majors in learning the terminology (probably because I am so unfaithful in my reading of the material) but I have unique arguments and extremely insightful points of view. With those two skills I will do great if I actually put my nose to the grindstone and work. Alas this has always been my problem, I'm incredibly dreamy and this translates to me being somewhat lazy. It's easy to confuse the two.
Finally, all of my focus has been rather dreamy lately anyway because of my new relationship. Is it weird for me to date a sophomore? I can't tell, sometimes I feel slightly off about the situation but never about this guy. He's a great guy, great friend, and so far so good he seems to be in the 'normal' category... yeah he's dating a girl a grade above him... but hey, he's five months older than me. Which is about right for my age because I'm about a year behind my classmates' age and did skip a grade.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Pushing Through
Today I managed another work-out inspite of feeling not so motivated. It was still mostly a great day. Not perfect. Not charmed. I made it great anyway. I finally got my excel file put together for my wrestling train-up. It's damn good. My lower body work-out today was focused and unique. No one else was doing lower-body. Why focus on the upper body? It's in my work-out plan, but I am trying to get that lower body to work. I did a heavier lift today with lower reps. Then after a twenty-minute rest, I went for a run with my roomie. She pushed me at the beginning when I would have taken the run slower. I pushed her midway and at the end. We will be great work-out partners if we can get over the awkwardness that we're at different levels. It doesn't matter, because we push each other and like each other an awful lot. We're practically best friends. So another 3-mile run this time on top of my lower body work-out. I think if SFC Bright sees that in a weekly report he will be satisfied. I also inquired about the September 27th 5k that our company did last year and looked up all the logistics.
Tomorrow night I have banned all boys from my room and I am doing my problem set #1 from Civil Engineering in the library. In academics I realized that I need to practice presenting ideas to a classroom both for law and for leadership. So I started to make audio recordings of myself. I sort of sound like a talkshow radio host. By the end of my third try I had much more coherent thoughts. It was great to hear myself, because I could pick out some things I was saying that made no sense from a listeners point of view that is to say without the simultaneous thought that accompanied such spoken sentences. Then I started to record myself singing for fun. It was a great way to pass an hour and I actually studied because I was recording myself both reading about Marbury v. Madison and presenting my opinion on the electoral college v. absolute popular vote.
My writing skills have been greatly honed by journaling mostly and my ability to take my thoughts to a screen by blogging and typing memoirs. My speaking skills have suffered because I've been spending the last two years of West Point listening to others. I am talking more now, and I am willing to talk again, but I need to break free of the imaginary duct tape I seem to have affixed to my lips. I think the exercise I've designed will do great things for me. Onward to tomorrow!
Tomorrow night I have banned all boys from my room and I am doing my problem set #1 from Civil Engineering in the library. In academics I realized that I need to practice presenting ideas to a classroom both for law and for leadership. So I started to make audio recordings of myself. I sort of sound like a talkshow radio host. By the end of my third try I had much more coherent thoughts. It was great to hear myself, because I could pick out some things I was saying that made no sense from a listeners point of view that is to say without the simultaneous thought that accompanied such spoken sentences. Then I started to record myself singing for fun. It was a great way to pass an hour and I actually studied because I was recording myself both reading about Marbury v. Madison and presenting my opinion on the electoral college v. absolute popular vote.
My writing skills have been greatly honed by journaling mostly and my ability to take my thoughts to a screen by blogging and typing memoirs. My speaking skills have suffered because I've been spending the last two years of West Point listening to others. I am talking more now, and I am willing to talk again, but I need to break free of the imaginary duct tape I seem to have affixed to my lips. I think the exercise I've designed will do great things for me. Onward to tomorrow!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore and That's Okay
I am slowly figuring out who I am slowly. It's a much slower journey than expected. I've messed up recently, but that's okay too. I need to learn to not be such a perfectionist. There are more measures of success than grades or the ability to perform specific tasks. There are more general, more important things. I cannot believe that I've lost sight of that. I used to do things for the pleasure of them, learning physics and calculus was fun and writing was this interest to me to put my thoughts on paper for me. I sort of lost sight of that when I got caught up in the competition that is West Point. I became sad when I didn't perform like I thought I would, and I lost my fire when I suddenly found myself struggling in ways I'd never had to struggle before. It's not as simple as starting an engine up again either. It's not a spark that I'm missing, it's tinder.
These long conversations on Sunday are more and more interesting. I feel like I'm getting a glimpse into someone who is more like me than I knew. I'm getting positive feedback from someone who seems to have it together, and there's no competitive feelings between us and there's an affinity that I certainly can't put a finger on. Maybe I'm seeking this connection, but I don't think I would get such good reception if there wasn't one there before I started looking.
I went for a run today with a friend leaving on a two year mission because he's Mormon. He doesn't know where he's going yet, but I feel it's a shame that I didn't get to know him better and for some reason we're getting along quite well. It's quite accidental and I didn't all of a sudden warm up to him because he was leaving. Plenty of people start to leave and I don't get close to them, like for instance when another guy left at the end of last semester. We never really spoke at all.
However, to avoid lingering on that fact, today we went for a run. It was fun. I made him run up to the trail behind the Jewish Chapel (which I guess isn't really a chapel, but that's the common name here on campus) and we ran up some steep trails up to Fort Putnam which is a historical site on campus but it was closed. I got curious though, so we ran around the edge of its high walls until we found a spot that was passable and we climbed up and did a leader's recon. This is another one of those hypothetical situations of which there is no proof, only rhetorical description. It was fun, it was green, and we definitely had a good - albeit short - run uphill twice. We also did pull-ups. Two sets of five for me, plus three wide grip pull-ups, with about seven half wide grip pull-ups thrown in, and then followed with five pull-ups grip facing towards myself.
I like the trail run, even if I do start wheezing after only ten meters into the green. It's still more fun and more interesting than a run to Lee Gate which is not only boring but to me isn't the easiest thing ever. I have trouble running for three miles at the same pace. I need to work on that. I might go on a long run tomorrow, but it probably still won't be a Lee Gate Run.
I wrote this a couple weeks ago:
These long conversations on Sunday are more and more interesting. I feel like I'm getting a glimpse into someone who is more like me than I knew. I'm getting positive feedback from someone who seems to have it together, and there's no competitive feelings between us and there's an affinity that I certainly can't put a finger on. Maybe I'm seeking this connection, but I don't think I would get such good reception if there wasn't one there before I started looking.
I went for a run today with a friend leaving on a two year mission because he's Mormon. He doesn't know where he's going yet, but I feel it's a shame that I didn't get to know him better and for some reason we're getting along quite well. It's quite accidental and I didn't all of a sudden warm up to him because he was leaving. Plenty of people start to leave and I don't get close to them, like for instance when another guy left at the end of last semester. We never really spoke at all.
However, to avoid lingering on that fact, today we went for a run. It was fun. I made him run up to the trail behind the Jewish Chapel (which I guess isn't really a chapel, but that's the common name here on campus) and we ran up some steep trails up to Fort Putnam which is a historical site on campus but it was closed. I got curious though, so we ran around the edge of its high walls until we found a spot that was passable and we climbed up and did a leader's recon. This is another one of those hypothetical situations of which there is no proof, only rhetorical description. It was fun, it was green, and we definitely had a good - albeit short - run uphill twice. We also did pull-ups. Two sets of five for me, plus three wide grip pull-ups, with about seven half wide grip pull-ups thrown in, and then followed with five pull-ups grip facing towards myself.
I like the trail run, even if I do start wheezing after only ten meters into the green. It's still more fun and more interesting than a run to Lee Gate which is not only boring but to me isn't the easiest thing ever. I have trouble running for three miles at the same pace. I need to work on that. I might go on a long run tomorrow, but it probably still won't be a Lee Gate Run.
I wrote this a couple weeks ago:
I'm Embarking
on a new adventure
on old trails
running straight into Nature.
Into the past
no questions asked
no questions asked
praying that my strength will last.
I'm seeking not a destination
but for some hidden explanation.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
How to Apply for the First Time...
Today was not so good, although it was cinco de mayo, it was miles away from cinco de mayo of yester-year. I did not make guacamole this year and there were no decorations around my room. To top it off, I stayed up until four o'clock in the morning just trying to sleep. I woke up barely refreshed and must have looked like death because I had a friend stop by asking if I was okay, he thought I was suffering from a heartbreak. I assured him it was plain sleep deprivation.
I had my appointment to submit my passport and VISA applications today. It went smoothly with the exception that my photo now makes me look like I have no idea how to dress. I was wearing my white crew t-shirt under my As For Class shirt, but I'd brought a nice (tight) civilian top. However there was no place to change and my options were... grandma sweater, raiders fan, or my cute tight civilian top over the white t-shirt. The result is a passport photo that will get shown to as few people as possible. Hopefully I have to retake the photo to go to Portugal. Additionally I had no make-up today and felt pretty miserable so... it probably would have been a pretty good idea to put some on... My expression also says "just shoot me". I will probably get searched a million times especially because I am so smiley in my military I.D. so the two photos will be suspiciously different.
The next bit of misfortune to befall me occurred after I stopped by Grant Hall for a latte with vanilla flavor. I ordered a "Classic Chock" which is multi-grain with cream cheese between and raisins. It's not terribly healthy, but it's not terribly unhealthy. The cashier must've misunderstood me though, because she served me a thick slice of sinfully chocolate cake. I couldn't resist and started to dig in. It was delicious but I felt so guilty. I was on my way to finishing it when I was pleasantly interrupted.
This is when the day began to have an upswing again. A teammate, H, sent out an email on the sandhurst distro requesting a running buddy I threw up the chocolate cake I had consumed at the top of the hill. The endorphins from the intense run had me in good mood for a little bit. Unfortunately my funk returned before I finished this post. I'm once again sad and can't find a good reason. I have a job to do. I have ten people relying on me. That's not even that many. I need to stop thinking negatively. Snap outta it. Let's go? I wish I sounded convincing to myself.
I had my appointment to submit my passport and VISA applications today. It went smoothly with the exception that my photo now makes me look like I have no idea how to dress. I was wearing my white crew t-shirt under my As For Class shirt, but I'd brought a nice (tight) civilian top. However there was no place to change and my options were... grandma sweater, raiders fan, or my cute tight civilian top over the white t-shirt. The result is a passport photo that will get shown to as few people as possible. Hopefully I have to retake the photo to go to Portugal. Additionally I had no make-up today and felt pretty miserable so... it probably would have been a pretty good idea to put some on... My expression also says "just shoot me". I will probably get searched a million times especially because I am so smiley in my military I.D. so the two photos will be suspiciously different.
The next bit of misfortune to befall me occurred after I stopped by Grant Hall for a latte with vanilla flavor. I ordered a "Classic Chock" which is multi-grain with cream cheese between and raisins. It's not terribly healthy, but it's not terribly unhealthy. The cashier must've misunderstood me though, because she served me a thick slice of sinfully chocolate cake. I couldn't resist and started to dig in. It was delicious but I felt so guilty. I was on my way to finishing it when I was pleasantly interrupted.
This is when the day began to have an upswing again. A teammate, H, sent out an email on the sandhurst distro requesting a running buddy I threw up the chocolate cake I had consumed at the top of the hill. The endorphins from the intense run had me in good mood for a little bit. Unfortunately my funk returned before I finished this post. I'm once again sad and can't find a good reason. I have a job to do. I have ten people relying on me. That's not even that many. I need to stop thinking negatively. Snap outta it. Let's go? I wish I sounded convincing to myself.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Late Night Quick Quip
Just felt like a quick update.
329 on the APFT, supermaxed it! 51 push-ups, 85 sit-ups, and a 14:15 2-mile run. I believe this is my best score on the APFT, although only by a couple of points. It still is some of my best performaces across the board. The best (or worst) part is that I felt like I could have done better if I'd been working on the events leading up to the APFT. I heard if we had been doing more speedwork on sandhurst we could have shaved like 20 seconds off our 2-mile run, and I know if I'd worked on my push-ups I could have done more. I guess that's why I feel good, because this is my best performance and I feel like I have more in me. Next year... I am aiming for a 340.
Also... no more D's in classes!!! All C's, B's, or A-. And after this next Physics WPR, and Portuguese WOPR, hopefully two solid A's. I am bringing myself back up. I am getting back on the horse. And other good things are happening too! My roommate passed the APFT with a 276 which to me is an AMAZING "IN YOUR FACE" to all the people who recommended to separate her. If anything I have more faith in my roomie who persisted in spite of meanness and despite not having the support of classmates who are apparently too myopic to look down their stuck-up noses to help her. No one can ever tell me that she can't perform under pressure, I've seen her keep her cool in the History Department (they are so strict) and has a 3.5 in spite of physical grades that keep her from possible 3.9 and 4.0 Even though her element is in the academic realm, she has such a gift with people, that I think she would be a valuable asset to the Army. I will be extremely pissed off if she were to be gone, because additionally, who would I room with? It wouldn't be the same, she is my confidante and practically my sister soldier.
I need to finish strong, I want to, I love the comradery of the company and the team, I didn't shoot as well as I could have today, but that's okay I just need to concentrate and probably adjust my sling and maybe a couple more clicks left. Nice thing we have another range tomorrow. I am still nervous about the competition, in a way that makes me feel like I have a bowling ball in my stomach, but I cannot be distracted, because there is on April 17th and 18th, the I.R. paper due, the Physics WPR II, and Sandhurst. Combined, they will be a monster to deal with. I am preparing for the attack now, even if only mentally for the time being. We're past the hump of the week now! Less than three weeks until Sandhurst!! It's overtime so to speak now. Wish me luck all!
329 on the APFT, supermaxed it! 51 push-ups, 85 sit-ups, and a 14:15 2-mile run. I believe this is my best score on the APFT, although only by a couple of points. It still is some of my best performaces across the board. The best (or worst) part is that I felt like I could have done better if I'd been working on the events leading up to the APFT. I heard if we had been doing more speedwork on sandhurst we could have shaved like 20 seconds off our 2-mile run, and I know if I'd worked on my push-ups I could have done more. I guess that's why I feel good, because this is my best performance and I feel like I have more in me. Next year... I am aiming for a 340.
Also... no more D's in classes!!! All C's, B's, or A-. And after this next Physics WPR, and Portuguese WOPR, hopefully two solid A's. I am bringing myself back up. I am getting back on the horse. And other good things are happening too! My roommate passed the APFT with a 276 which to me is an AMAZING "IN YOUR FACE" to all the people who recommended to separate her. If anything I have more faith in my roomie who persisted in spite of meanness and despite not having the support of classmates who are apparently too myopic to look down their stuck-up noses to help her. No one can ever tell me that she can't perform under pressure, I've seen her keep her cool in the History Department (they are so strict) and has a 3.5 in spite of physical grades that keep her from possible 3.9 and 4.0 Even though her element is in the academic realm, she has such a gift with people, that I think she would be a valuable asset to the Army. I will be extremely pissed off if she were to be gone, because additionally, who would I room with? It wouldn't be the same, she is my confidante and practically my sister soldier.
I need to finish strong, I want to, I love the comradery of the company and the team, I didn't shoot as well as I could have today, but that's okay I just need to concentrate and probably adjust my sling and maybe a couple more clicks left. Nice thing we have another range tomorrow. I am still nervous about the competition, in a way that makes me feel like I have a bowling ball in my stomach, but I cannot be distracted, because there is on April 17th and 18th, the I.R. paper due, the Physics WPR II, and Sandhurst. Combined, they will be a monster to deal with. I am preparing for the attack now, even if only mentally for the time being. We're past the hump of the week now! Less than three weeks until Sandhurst!! It's overtime so to speak now. Wish me luck all!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Night Before Spring Break '09
I stay up because I am much better able to deal with things on a late night than I am able to deal with things when I wake up cranky. We were going to be up late tonight anyway, so you can't completely pin this one on me. It's really not so bad either because the week is back on the upswing.
To finish a previously started story, my lab group eventually got their shit together. It was a little bit irritating, but the lab leader actually started to somewhat organize us. He and I really did the lab, but a third guy showed up and did a number line which was more than the fourth guy who did practically nil. We just went to the library at 2030 that night after my nap and knocked it all out practically. I was there to correct the lab leader and I did large portions of the write-up and also double checked it as best I could given I didn't write most of it. Then it was smooth sailing.
Today, Thursday, we had a lecture first hour which was awesome. Then I shopped a little bit at Thayer Store, just window shopping, reading mostly but I also bought a new drawing notebook. I got back to my room and chilled until Physics during which I was the loudest protester to sitting in alphabetical order, but it was just a demonstration and not a permanent thing. Whew! Portuguese was fun today and I learned how to call someone a show-off, which they sometimes say is like a popcorn vendor, loud and attracting attention to one's self, a "pipoqueira"! Lunch I sat with my team since our regiment had a formation that half of us missed and it took so long I was justified in sitting at the table. It helped that Jay didn't object or give me a hard time to try to get his seat back.
I scheduled some Additional Instruction with my Stat's instructor for the afternoon and when I got there I learned I was on the right track and I felt pretty good. The A.I. helped though because I didn't second-guess myself.
I got back to my room in time to get a short nap, but was woken up by my very smart friend, "Lou". Lou is trying to get into the med program, so he puts a lot of work into academics. He's also very organized and very animated and involved in a lot of groups as well as he is our class S-6 which basically means computer guy but he really doesn't have much in the way of delegated duties in that position. Anyway the point being is he was asking me for help with his stats work. I was surprised, even moreso because his roommate is really good with math. Still, I felt confident from the A.I. so I offered my help.
Then I was well awake for my work-out, I did 40 minutes of rowing, and then 3 sets squats, and 3 sets of bench and a few pull-ups. It was very light, but I was pressed for time. I got back in time to stretch with the team that had gone for a gear run (except for the plebes who had drill - practicing parading for parents). We also had Founders' Day Dinner and we all put on full dress and enjoyed some shrimp cocktails and mediocre steak. By the way... I'm still caffeine-free.
Tonight some drama sort of came up in the company, but not involving anyone in particular near and dear to me. Someone had written on our TAC NCO's board a note underlining the words "West Point Leader" and pointing an arrow to the word "oxymoron". It was obviously a joke, but one that sent our new TAC NCO over the edge and apparently he threatened the 1SG and he Company Commander (a cow and firstie respectively) with a brigade board and hours all the way down to the yearlings for disrespect. This definitely panicked everyone in the chain of command though and we had to close out tonight. I personally didn't care too much because I had planned on staying up late for packing and closing out because I was leaving right after class tomorrow. I still am and I am looking forward immensely to my spring break adventure. It is late now, and I have done three good deeds today. I feel like tomorrow can throw a lot at me and I will be able to deal with it.
To finish a previously started story, my lab group eventually got their shit together. It was a little bit irritating, but the lab leader actually started to somewhat organize us. He and I really did the lab, but a third guy showed up and did a number line which was more than the fourth guy who did practically nil. We just went to the library at 2030 that night after my nap and knocked it all out practically. I was there to correct the lab leader and I did large portions of the write-up and also double checked it as best I could given I didn't write most of it. Then it was smooth sailing.
Today, Thursday, we had a lecture first hour which was awesome. Then I shopped a little bit at Thayer Store, just window shopping, reading mostly but I also bought a new drawing notebook. I got back to my room and chilled until Physics during which I was the loudest protester to sitting in alphabetical order, but it was just a demonstration and not a permanent thing. Whew! Portuguese was fun today and I learned how to call someone a show-off, which they sometimes say is like a popcorn vendor, loud and attracting attention to one's self, a "pipoqueira"! Lunch I sat with my team since our regiment had a formation that half of us missed and it took so long I was justified in sitting at the table. It helped that Jay didn't object or give me a hard time to try to get his seat back.
I scheduled some Additional Instruction with my Stat's instructor for the afternoon and when I got there I learned I was on the right track and I felt pretty good. The A.I. helped though because I didn't second-guess myself.
I got back to my room in time to get a short nap, but was woken up by my very smart friend, "Lou". Lou is trying to get into the med program, so he puts a lot of work into academics. He's also very organized and very animated and involved in a lot of groups as well as he is our class S-6 which basically means computer guy but he really doesn't have much in the way of delegated duties in that position. Anyway the point being is he was asking me for help with his stats work. I was surprised, even moreso because his roommate is really good with math. Still, I felt confident from the A.I. so I offered my help.
Then I was well awake for my work-out, I did 40 minutes of rowing, and then 3 sets squats, and 3 sets of bench and a few pull-ups. It was very light, but I was pressed for time. I got back in time to stretch with the team that had gone for a gear run (except for the plebes who had drill - practicing parading for parents). We also had Founders' Day Dinner and we all put on full dress and enjoyed some shrimp cocktails and mediocre steak. By the way... I'm still caffeine-free.
Tonight some drama sort of came up in the company, but not involving anyone in particular near and dear to me. Someone had written on our TAC NCO's board a note underlining the words "West Point Leader" and pointing an arrow to the word "oxymoron". It was obviously a joke, but one that sent our new TAC NCO over the edge and apparently he threatened the 1SG and he Company Commander (a cow and firstie respectively) with a brigade board and hours all the way down to the yearlings for disrespect. This definitely panicked everyone in the chain of command though and we had to close out tonight. I personally didn't care too much because I had planned on staying up late for packing and closing out because I was leaving right after class tomorrow. I still am and I am looking forward immensely to my spring break adventure. It is late now, and I have done three good deeds today. I feel like tomorrow can throw a lot at me and I will be able to deal with it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Running Till There's Nothing Left
Tonight is just one of those semi-lonely nights. With the roommate out at the library and no pressing academic requirements I know where I could go hang out, but I don't want to go there. It's difficult having a cadet ex-boyfriend. I decided to keep this to a minimum, discussing relationships at all, but on a night like tonight it's the just the elephant in the corner I'm trying to ignore. The problem is in the organization of my time. I just haven't been wanting to go to his room to hang out and I don't want him around my room because most of my friends think he is stand-offish and, well, he is. He's stand-offish and he monopolizes my attention and still acts like we're lovebirds, which is awkward for friends. My roommate has been around since the beginning of the relationship and so she takes it in stride whether he is hanging out, stopping by, or has that mopey look on his face that says I am mad at him. I don't like that this alienates my other friends though, and it's a major source of tension between him and I.
Yesterday we had a work out by one of the plebes on the team we call him 'Baumer' and he called his work-out the "Dirty Joe". One of his favorite phrases is "It's all for the Joes." and he is a very funny plebe. I am happy to be on the team and meet these good, strong individuals. It's eye-opening and every day I learn a little more and not just about military related stuff. I am finding a new and different niche here at West Point. I love my roommate, but our social circles are mostly different, so I really appreciate Sandhurst for that reason. After the lift yesterday we went to EST the simulated shooting and we shot scenarios that were mostly fun except for the stress shoot which was really stressful for me because "Little Ben" was standing behind me telling me the wrong color to shoot at and distracting me in general and I was accidentally forgetting that in a stress shoot you face the target and go to the 'low and ready' position between targets. It was in good fun though, not malice and I enjoy EST. I also enjoy swimming which not everybody does. My biggest weakness (and I've never denied this) has been running.
Today we were running in gear and pushing our pace toward Lee Gate. One of my teammates was pushing me and said, "Come on [my name], we're not even a quarter of a way through." I felt horrible after that sentence. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt like doing something childish like throwing down my rifle and stopping running and just yelling, "Look, I'm not in good enough shape for you!" but I pushed until we got to the gate and told the SL (Squad Leader) I could push no more and my knee was tight. He told me to take an easy jog back. I felt... unsettled. I knew I could run further, but at that pace it would be impossible. So I ended up doing intervals back to the barracks. I also didn't go straight back. I ran and walked up to Washington Gate then jogged all the way down that hill to the cemetery. I alternately walked and jogged back to the corner of the Catholic Chapel hill and then I ran, walked, ran, walked, ran up the hill to the Cadet Chapel turn off and took the stairs down to cadet area and walked back to Pershing, my barracks. I knew it wasn't the same work-out as the team, but I felt a little better about myself. I am still going to ask ortho to check out my knee and I am still going to ask the SL to give me a work-out I can do in addition to the scheduled work-outs. I was hesitant about the last thing, but I obviously lack the core running muscles that everyone else seems to have. It's true that I've never done long distance running at faster than a 7:30 per mile pace, and wrestling is less endurance running than short bursts of energy combined with generally high cardio endurance. This is light endurance though and this is basically strength running with the gear and the rifle.
It's not about being the one competing on game day to me, it's about giving the SL the best I've got and about being at least a viable option. I want to be a good alternate. I want them to know that if push came to shove they could rely on me to step up and on a good day perform for them. I want to be a valuable member of the team and I want to be able to run five miles in gear for the team and maybe one day for my platoon. I want to be capable of this, not only ask people to do this for me.
Yesterday we had a work out by one of the plebes on the team we call him 'Baumer' and he called his work-out the "Dirty Joe". One of his favorite phrases is "It's all for the Joes." and he is a very funny plebe. I am happy to be on the team and meet these good, strong individuals. It's eye-opening and every day I learn a little more and not just about military related stuff. I am finding a new and different niche here at West Point. I love my roommate, but our social circles are mostly different, so I really appreciate Sandhurst for that reason. After the lift yesterday we went to EST the simulated shooting and we shot scenarios that were mostly fun except for the stress shoot which was really stressful for me because "Little Ben" was standing behind me telling me the wrong color to shoot at and distracting me in general and I was accidentally forgetting that in a stress shoot you face the target and go to the 'low and ready' position between targets. It was in good fun though, not malice and I enjoy EST. I also enjoy swimming which not everybody does. My biggest weakness (and I've never denied this) has been running.
Today we were running in gear and pushing our pace toward Lee Gate. One of my teammates was pushing me and said, "Come on [my name], we're not even a quarter of a way through." I felt horrible after that sentence. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt like doing something childish like throwing down my rifle and stopping running and just yelling, "Look, I'm not in good enough shape for you!" but I pushed until we got to the gate and told the SL (Squad Leader) I could push no more and my knee was tight. He told me to take an easy jog back. I felt... unsettled. I knew I could run further, but at that pace it would be impossible. So I ended up doing intervals back to the barracks. I also didn't go straight back. I ran and walked up to Washington Gate then jogged all the way down that hill to the cemetery. I alternately walked and jogged back to the corner of the Catholic Chapel hill and then I ran, walked, ran, walked, ran up the hill to the Cadet Chapel turn off and took the stairs down to cadet area and walked back to Pershing, my barracks. I knew it wasn't the same work-out as the team, but I felt a little better about myself. I am still going to ask ortho to check out my knee and I am still going to ask the SL to give me a work-out I can do in addition to the scheduled work-outs. I was hesitant about the last thing, but I obviously lack the core running muscles that everyone else seems to have. It's true that I've never done long distance running at faster than a 7:30 per mile pace, and wrestling is less endurance running than short bursts of energy combined with generally high cardio endurance. This is light endurance though and this is basically strength running with the gear and the rifle.
It's not about being the one competing on game day to me, it's about giving the SL the best I've got and about being at least a viable option. I want to be a good alternate. I want them to know that if push came to shove they could rely on me to step up and on a good day perform for them. I want to be a valuable member of the team and I want to be able to run five miles in gear for the team and maybe one day for my platoon. I want to be capable of this, not only ask people to do this for me.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Better News
So sometime after getting back to my room after another PMEE session during Dean's hour I was on my way to the Arvin walk-in facility and suddenly I noticed the pain in my knee had subsided. It was gone completely after that moment. I still felt obligated to get it checked out the next day, because I know I didn't imagine the intense pain from this morning that had made me want to cry, but I was very happy to carry on the rest of the day bounding up the stairs and generally running around. I wonder if maybe I just tweaked my knee this morning when I was putting on my backpack. It would be lame, but it is possible.
This afternoon we had a lift and shot at the simulated range in Cullum Hall. A giant projector screen + ten rifles hooked up to air pressure and a super computer + the craziest simulations they had = LOTS of fun.
Also a plus, during the day I had a writ in Portuguese and I finished so fast the instructor graded it right in front of me. The result? 147/150 points so far. I still have to do the review, but I think I'll do fine on that too. Physics Lab 3 is done as well and turned in. Tomorrow I have the Econ WPR II and I absolutely need to ace that test so it's off to studying for now and hydrating for the gear run in the afternoon tomorrow. As long as I have my knees, my general health, and something to look forward to I think I will be okay tonight. Hopefully an early turn in.
This afternoon we had a lift and shot at the simulated range in Cullum Hall. A giant projector screen + ten rifles hooked up to air pressure and a super computer + the craziest simulations they had = LOTS of fun.
Also a plus, during the day I had a writ in Portuguese and I finished so fast the instructor graded it right in front of me. The result? 147/150 points so far. I still have to do the review, but I think I'll do fine on that too. Physics Lab 3 is done as well and turned in. Tomorrow I have the Econ WPR II and I absolutely need to ace that test so it's off to studying for now and hydrating for the gear run in the afternoon tomorrow. As long as I have my knees, my general health, and something to look forward to I think I will be okay tonight. Hopefully an early turn in.
Bad News
So... everything has been on an upswing and I'm not saying that's stopping, but damn life has a way of cutting your feet right out from under you doesn't it?
Yesterday I was doing good on the trail running in the snow. I was a little mountain goat practically. It was at a pace that made me lose my breath, but slow enough to still be fun.
This morning we were swimming and I was right there keeping pace with the boys. My breast stroke has really improved and I'm seriously getting this down: swimming in Army Combat Uniform (ACUs) and desert combat boots. After practice I ran up the stairs took a shower and after breakfast as usual went to class. I sat down for about an hour taking very excellent notes on my laptop that my instructor was impressed with when he perchance glanced at them. I get my backpack on and sort of take a side-step off-balanced. I wobble a little bit and... Ow. Shrug. Nothing really bad, just feels like I have to pop my knee you know the tight-ish feeling when you just have to bend your knee all the way and stretch it out and just... pop? And it's not like that's unusual or anything.
Well, no, that's not what happened. For the next 10 to 12 minutes I was in excruciating pain every time I tried to bend my knee. I got back to my room unable to bend my knee to take off my ACU pants and put some shorts on. This was by far the worst pain I'd felt in my knee ever. It was ten times more severe than when it was hurt with illitobial band syndrome. I wonder if that's come back, which doesn't make sense because my knee didn't hurt leading up to this. Now I'm trying to get an ortho appointment, but the soonest they can put me in is Tuesday next week. I will try to go to walk-in clinic in the morning, but I don't know if ortho is there every day. I took some ibuprofen and the pain has lessened. This scares me. I have to get better soon. I can't fail for this reason. This is stupid. This is ridiculous. This isn't making any sense. I'm very distracted with it too. It's a horrible way to be while I'm in class. At least classes are over for now today. I have to get back to the grind, but... updates and much more upbeat information to follow.
Yesterday I was doing good on the trail running in the snow. I was a little mountain goat practically. It was at a pace that made me lose my breath, but slow enough to still be fun.
This morning we were swimming and I was right there keeping pace with the boys. My breast stroke has really improved and I'm seriously getting this down: swimming in Army Combat Uniform (ACUs) and desert combat boots. After practice I ran up the stairs took a shower and after breakfast as usual went to class. I sat down for about an hour taking very excellent notes on my laptop that my instructor was impressed with when he perchance glanced at them. I get my backpack on and sort of take a side-step off-balanced. I wobble a little bit and... Ow. Shrug. Nothing really bad, just feels like I have to pop my knee you know the tight-ish feeling when you just have to bend your knee all the way and stretch it out and just... pop? And it's not like that's unusual or anything.
Well, no, that's not what happened. For the next 10 to 12 minutes I was in excruciating pain every time I tried to bend my knee. I got back to my room unable to bend my knee to take off my ACU pants and put some shorts on. This was by far the worst pain I'd felt in my knee ever. It was ten times more severe than when it was hurt with illitobial band syndrome. I wonder if that's come back, which doesn't make sense because my knee didn't hurt leading up to this. Now I'm trying to get an ortho appointment, but the soonest they can put me in is Tuesday next week. I will try to go to walk-in clinic in the morning, but I don't know if ortho is there every day. I took some ibuprofen and the pain has lessened. This scares me. I have to get better soon. I can't fail for this reason. This is stupid. This is ridiculous. This isn't making any sense. I'm very distracted with it too. It's a horrible way to be while I'm in class. At least classes are over for now today. I have to get back to the grind, but... updates and much more upbeat information to follow.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Dodged a Bullet... Again
Last night is definitely a story for today. The scenario is me sitting on my bed studying for my International Relations Written Partial Review (IR WPR) which is going to be two essays on two articles. At about fifteen past nine I fall asleep. A quarter hour passes...
Enter stage left my platoon sergeant (PSG)
PSG: Hey [my name] are you awake?
ME: *indistinct grunt*
PSG: Oh good because you know you're plebe is going up for Brigade SOQ tomorrow morning right?
ME: *indistinct grunt*
At this point, I'm not even paying attention because of course I know that my direct subordinate and only leadership responsibility a plebe (freshman) with prior military service experience is going before the Brigade Soldier of the Quarter (SOQ) board tomorrow. I drifted off back into sleep only slightly hearing my PSG ramble on about having "sooo much to do tonight including a problem set and..." I just fell asleep. Then I had this crazy dream sequence where I went down the hall and asked my plebe if he was ready for the board and that I went downstairs and was in another building after taps. All of this was so dreamy and almost none of it happened. I never set my alarm and didn't even think it had really happened.
The next morning my PSG asked me how the board went for my plebe. I gave a blank stare,
"What? The board? Oh I don't know, I haven't asked him yet."
I swear my PSG's eye twitched, but all my PSG said was that it was okay "it happens". As if to throw gasoline on a fire I found out at lunch that my plebe had actually slept through the board. Then I heard word at lunch that the blame was being shifted to me in a sneaky attempt to keep someone else's military performance squeaky clean. I was defensive and on edge, and asked for a little advice. I clearly didn't remember being told to be there or to get my plebe in the morning. I spent the better part of the day wondering about it since a couple other people had brought it up.
In the afternoon today after PMEE (called PME squared, and I don't even remember this acronym but it usually means a BORING class in the free part of our afternoon) I got to meet the sponsor of the other girl on the company sandhurst team. She was a '93 grad of West Point and lots of fun. She helped a little with the cake, but just a couple tips with the frosting and flouring the pan which I had already greased. The cake was cute, dense and perfect! It was for loosing a bet to a guy in my company, but I had loads of fun making it when I brought it back to the barracks I couldn't resist telling the people giving me funny looks,
"Yeah, I baked this cake.... for a man."
It's sort of a running joke here due to a speaker last year who made a joke in which he said, "Woman, go bake me a pie." Well here I had an actually baked cake. When I brought it to his room I'm pretty sure if he'd been gone for longer than 20 minutes his roommates would have devoured half of it without him. Everyone was floored I had actually done it because it's one thing to 'bet' you're going to bake a cake, and another thing to give up your afternoon go out of your way to meet someone with an oven and get the ingredients and really bake a cake. It was a very yummy cake by the way, but extremely simple. See, the my sponsor offered to pick up the ingredients too and I made sure I picked a recipe with plain ingredients most of which I knew she would have around the house. Just as as starter recipe and since I wasn't sure if I'd get the opportunity to go to the commissary with her.
It was much fun and she even had decaffeinated Pepsi around the house because it's all her husband drinks and since I gave up caffeine for lent, it was awesome!
I then had practice which to be quite honest was a 'suck-fest' today. We put our gear on and went downstairs to the basement weight room. I chose a 35-lbs plate for the squats, the bent-over row, back and forths, etc. Then our fearless squad leader got us to scramble into our gear and run upstairs. I also had to get the rope ruck and so after snapping on my Advanced Combat Helmet (ACH) I went to my room and pulled my gas mask out of the bottom along with pulling the E-tool out of its pocket too. Theeen we starting running down Thayer Road towards Thayer Gate and though I really put my heart into it I began to fall back. Unfortunately one of the much more fit members of the team had an eye on me today and fell back preemptively to push me up to the group. I was both embarrassed and propelled forward at the same time. Fortunately less than a mile into it we paused to go over the 8 steps to evaluate a casualty then we pushed up the hill to michie stadium. I required a lot of help this time, but I definitely pushed hard. The same person who had been watchful earlier was close by a second time and definitely helped push me up the hill although the squad leader had me grab his Load Carrying Vest (LCV) too. I had multiple help, but I still managed to push an awful lot by myself given we were definitely going faster than my pace even without gear. Another pause to recite the 9-Line Med-Evac Radio Call and we were off again. At the beginning of the steep S.O.B. that is the bottom of the PX hill another super fit member of the team began to push me, but I was hurting at this point. Once again the person who had fallen back to help me the previous two times was suddenly next to me again pushing me literally and verbally. When I couldn't help but slow down some more he said,
"Come on, I'm pushing all you're weight right now."
To which I curtly replied, "I get it!"
And immediately tried to alleviate the pressure. Sure, I didn't get all my weight off his hand, but I was trying and trying. I felt like my lower back and legs were going to disintegrate or seize up or spontaneously combust. I honestly wanted to throw myself on the side of the sidewalk and just lay there and vocalize the pain I felt in my muscles. Eventually we switched to a quick walk then we ran a little more and in a brief moment of walking the squad leader asked how I was doing, in particular about my knee and I was honest that it was feeling tight. That was more than likely just due to the extra weight of gear and the pounding of ramming up the hills after exerting our muscles. Nonetheless, I had knee problems earlier this school year and it was better to let him know than to be stupid. I had already done two runs in times difficult for me, and I had done two hills (true with help, but I was obviously waning in my strength) and there was no point in destroying myself for practice.
Along the way the same guy who helped me those three times also instructed me in how to hold my rifle while running and told me to control my breathing because I would "wear myself out long before I had to." I was sucking down air like a freight train...
The last thing the team did was buddy carries up the hill past Delafield Pond (Yes, ANOTHER hill, like I said there are so many f-ing hills around here) And I helped where I could but did not carry anyone because it would have been more stress to my knee I didn't need. I offered to carry two teammates' dummy rifles (called rubber ducks) and one of the dummy rifles of the 'casualties' they had to carry. Along the way "M'n'N" asked me to help him for a moment with the multiple rifles he carried and I jogged over and started to take rifles from him, then he said,
"Or you could just take my place for a little bit."
I shook my head and said,
"Sorry, squad leader told me not to carry anybody."
He gave me this annoyed look and dropped the rest of the rifles at my feet. I stooped to pick them up, but I didn't forget about it. When we got to the top he approached me and asked me to help him unclip the rifle on his back to which I replied and didn't care how snooty I may have sounded,
"No. You threw two rifles at me down there."
He apologized unconvincingly and I made some excuse up about being unable to see how it was clipped in and other people removed it. M'n'N was apparently having a bad day but I was still irritated.
The day ended earlier but I've been trying to finish my Econ Problem Set and study for Statistics, the latter of which didn't happen at all tonight. Oh well, it will pretty straight-forward and I don't care for that class much anyway. A lot happened today, it was a full day in a make you tired kind of way.
Enter stage left my platoon sergeant (PSG)
PSG: Hey [my name] are you awake?
ME: *indistinct grunt*
PSG: Oh good because you know you're plebe is going up for Brigade SOQ tomorrow morning right?
ME: *indistinct grunt*
At this point, I'm not even paying attention because of course I know that my direct subordinate and only leadership responsibility a plebe (freshman) with prior military service experience is going before the Brigade Soldier of the Quarter (SOQ) board tomorrow. I drifted off back into sleep only slightly hearing my PSG ramble on about having "sooo much to do tonight including a problem set and..." I just fell asleep. Then I had this crazy dream sequence where I went down the hall and asked my plebe if he was ready for the board and that I went downstairs and was in another building after taps. All of this was so dreamy and almost none of it happened. I never set my alarm and didn't even think it had really happened.
The next morning my PSG asked me how the board went for my plebe. I gave a blank stare,
"What? The board? Oh I don't know, I haven't asked him yet."
I swear my PSG's eye twitched, but all my PSG said was that it was okay "it happens". As if to throw gasoline on a fire I found out at lunch that my plebe had actually slept through the board. Then I heard word at lunch that the blame was being shifted to me in a sneaky attempt to keep someone else's military performance squeaky clean. I was defensive and on edge, and asked for a little advice. I clearly didn't remember being told to be there or to get my plebe in the morning. I spent the better part of the day wondering about it since a couple other people had brought it up.
In the afternoon today after PMEE (called PME squared, and I don't even remember this acronym but it usually means a BORING class in the free part of our afternoon) I got to meet the sponsor of the other girl on the company sandhurst team. She was a '93 grad of West Point and lots of fun. She helped a little with the cake, but just a couple tips with the frosting and flouring the pan which I had already greased. The cake was cute, dense and perfect! It was for loosing a bet to a guy in my company, but I had loads of fun making it when I brought it back to the barracks I couldn't resist telling the people giving me funny looks,
"Yeah, I baked this cake.... for a man."
It's sort of a running joke here due to a speaker last year who made a joke in which he said, "Woman, go bake me a pie." Well here I had an actually baked cake. When I brought it to his room I'm pretty sure if he'd been gone for longer than 20 minutes his roommates would have devoured half of it without him. Everyone was floored I had actually done it because it's one thing to 'bet' you're going to bake a cake, and another thing to give up your afternoon go out of your way to meet someone with an oven and get the ingredients and really bake a cake. It was a very yummy cake by the way, but extremely simple. See, the my sponsor offered to pick up the ingredients too and I made sure I picked a recipe with plain ingredients most of which I knew she would have around the house. Just as as starter recipe and since I wasn't sure if I'd get the opportunity to go to the commissary with her.
It was much fun and she even had decaffeinated Pepsi around the house because it's all her husband drinks and since I gave up caffeine for lent, it was awesome!
I then had practice which to be quite honest was a 'suck-fest' today. We put our gear on and went downstairs to the basement weight room. I chose a 35-lbs plate for the squats, the bent-over row, back and forths, etc. Then our fearless squad leader got us to scramble into our gear and run upstairs. I also had to get the rope ruck and so after snapping on my Advanced Combat Helmet (ACH) I went to my room and pulled my gas mask out of the bottom along with pulling the E-tool out of its pocket too. Theeen we starting running down Thayer Road towards Thayer Gate and though I really put my heart into it I began to fall back. Unfortunately one of the much more fit members of the team had an eye on me today and fell back preemptively to push me up to the group. I was both embarrassed and propelled forward at the same time. Fortunately less than a mile into it we paused to go over the 8 steps to evaluate a casualty then we pushed up the hill to michie stadium. I required a lot of help this time, but I definitely pushed hard. The same person who had been watchful earlier was close by a second time and definitely helped push me up the hill although the squad leader had me grab his Load Carrying Vest (LCV) too. I had multiple help, but I still managed to push an awful lot by myself given we were definitely going faster than my pace even without gear. Another pause to recite the 9-Line Med-Evac Radio Call and we were off again. At the beginning of the steep S.O.B. that is the bottom of the PX hill another super fit member of the team began to push me, but I was hurting at this point. Once again the person who had fallen back to help me the previous two times was suddenly next to me again pushing me literally and verbally. When I couldn't help but slow down some more he said,
"Come on, I'm pushing all you're weight right now."
To which I curtly replied, "I get it!"
And immediately tried to alleviate the pressure. Sure, I didn't get all my weight off his hand, but I was trying and trying. I felt like my lower back and legs were going to disintegrate or seize up or spontaneously combust. I honestly wanted to throw myself on the side of the sidewalk and just lay there and vocalize the pain I felt in my muscles. Eventually we switched to a quick walk then we ran a little more and in a brief moment of walking the squad leader asked how I was doing, in particular about my knee and I was honest that it was feeling tight. That was more than likely just due to the extra weight of gear and the pounding of ramming up the hills after exerting our muscles. Nonetheless, I had knee problems earlier this school year and it was better to let him know than to be stupid. I had already done two runs in times difficult for me, and I had done two hills (true with help, but I was obviously waning in my strength) and there was no point in destroying myself for practice.
Along the way the same guy who helped me those three times also instructed me in how to hold my rifle while running and told me to control my breathing because I would "wear myself out long before I had to." I was sucking down air like a freight train...
The last thing the team did was buddy carries up the hill past Delafield Pond (Yes, ANOTHER hill, like I said there are so many f-ing hills around here) And I helped where I could but did not carry anyone because it would have been more stress to my knee I didn't need. I offered to carry two teammates' dummy rifles (called rubber ducks) and one of the dummy rifles of the 'casualties' they had to carry. Along the way "M'n'N" asked me to help him for a moment with the multiple rifles he carried and I jogged over and started to take rifles from him, then he said,
"Or you could just take my place for a little bit."
I shook my head and said,
"Sorry, squad leader told me not to carry anybody."
He gave me this annoyed look and dropped the rest of the rifles at my feet. I stooped to pick them up, but I didn't forget about it. When we got to the top he approached me and asked me to help him unclip the rifle on his back to which I replied and didn't care how snooty I may have sounded,
"No. You threw two rifles at me down there."
He apologized unconvincingly and I made some excuse up about being unable to see how it was clipped in and other people removed it. M'n'N was apparently having a bad day but I was still irritated.
The day ended earlier but I've been trying to finish my Econ Problem Set and study for Statistics, the latter of which didn't happen at all tonight. Oh well, it will pretty straight-forward and I don't care for that class much anyway. A lot happened today, it was a full day in a make you tired kind of way.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I hate hills
Today was going well. I finished a paper in time, readjusted my Load Carrying Vest (LCV) and put inserts in my boots that made them fit I think perfectly. I didn't get a nap, but I wasn't that tired today despite going to sleep at 0330 and waking up at 0508. I did well in the swim this morning too. I also had a chance to shoot a virtual target and my shot groups are still "very nice" All this means is that I pulled the trigger on a real M-16 Rifle that had no ammo but has been rigged up with a giant projecter screen and connected to a super computer that tells me where I shoot. It also has gas powered simulated kick. Basically I was having a good day. I was even all over my simple role in the one-rope bridge and made a good suggestion. Then it happened: the hill.
We ran from the river all the way up to the bridge over the Beat Navy Tunnel. I mentally broke down in a way I haven't in a while. It was because of two things really. At this point we were supposed to stay together. I felt myself falling behind everybody else and I panicked. I pushed extra hard at the beginning hoping I could 'fake' my way through the hill. I wanted so desperately to finish with the team. Unfortunately not only did I fall back today but I also wanted to quit at what I thought was going to be the top. Then our rest time was cut short for me since I was the last one to arrive. The whole time one of my teammates is pushing me telling me I'm a fighter and to catch up to the team. My breath was ragged, my frustration mounted, and I felt so embarrassed of my performance. A perfect day ended in depression and a google search for better techiniques to run hills. I hope I can fix this, because I suck at hills, and you can tell so much worse when I'm wearing gear.
I don't know why this little set-back got me all down and out. I guess it's because I mentally broke today and I haven't done that for a while. I've gone miserably slow but I've always trucked on, even shuffling up the steep hills, even alternating between walking fast and jogging when I was really sucking. Today I became frustrated and even stopped before the end and retorted to my teammate's encouragement,
"But we stop here, we always stop here."
It still sounds so damn whiny to me.
Tomorrow we have the 1/1 Trail Timed Run. I guess I better go google trail runs now and hopefully improve my time from the last time, otherwise I will probably feel doubly bad about today. I think as long as I'm within a minute or so on either side of my time I will be happy. I have to remember I am working on my weakness. One of my weaknesses is hills, but I'm not defeated by hills. I just get tired as hell running on them. Wish me luck, since West Point is surrounded by the steep bastards and it's the favorite ingredient for a tough workout.
We ran from the river all the way up to the bridge over the Beat Navy Tunnel. I mentally broke down in a way I haven't in a while. It was because of two things really. At this point we were supposed to stay together. I felt myself falling behind everybody else and I panicked. I pushed extra hard at the beginning hoping I could 'fake' my way through the hill. I wanted so desperately to finish with the team. Unfortunately not only did I fall back today but I also wanted to quit at what I thought was going to be the top. Then our rest time was cut short for me since I was the last one to arrive. The whole time one of my teammates is pushing me telling me I'm a fighter and to catch up to the team. My breath was ragged, my frustration mounted, and I felt so embarrassed of my performance. A perfect day ended in depression and a google search for better techiniques to run hills. I hope I can fix this, because I suck at hills, and you can tell so much worse when I'm wearing gear.
I don't know why this little set-back got me all down and out. I guess it's because I mentally broke today and I haven't done that for a while. I've gone miserably slow but I've always trucked on, even shuffling up the steep hills, even alternating between walking fast and jogging when I was really sucking. Today I became frustrated and even stopped before the end and retorted to my teammate's encouragement,
"But we stop here, we always stop here."
It still sounds so damn whiny to me.
Tomorrow we have the 1/1 Trail Timed Run. I guess I better go google trail runs now and hopefully improve my time from the last time, otherwise I will probably feel doubly bad about today. I think as long as I'm within a minute or so on either side of my time I will be happy. I have to remember I am working on my weakness. One of my weaknesses is hills, but I'm not defeated by hills. I just get tired as hell running on them. Wish me luck, since West Point is surrounded by the steep bastards and it's the favorite ingredient for a tough workout.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)