Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Weather Forecast: Sudden Bursts of Irrational Behavior

I don't understand how I have been so incredibly happy these last two weeks and now all of a sudden I am having this 180 internal crisis.  I am transformed into this delicate, easily tripped, emotional reaction-bomb.

Starting yesterday night I was feeling pangs and aches in my (metaphorical) heart for no reason whatsoever... I started reliving all the bad moments in my life during times of high change and stress and how I wish I had closure or that I'd reacted differently.  I started speculating whether if I had not driven away some people in my life I might be even happier.  I started thinking maybe the happiness I had now was just a farce... because I'm just pretending to be happy through the sadness of people I'm missing.  That maybe I'm hiding a sadness under the surface of my happiness and excitement to be somewhere new??  It's crazy talk, and I know this.

So, the analytic side of me is wondering what should I do to banish these feelings?  Maybe work out, but the gym is closed, it's 34 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and it's 11:40 p.m. I feel a quick push up and flutter kick work out will not make this emotional sea any calmer.

The real problem is I don't really want to do any of the things that would make me feel better.  It's not that I want to sit here moping over nothing... I just know I don't feel like drawing, or editing photographs, or working out, or chatting.  Even though I was chatting just an hour ago.  While I used some poor excuse of a conversation to launch into a more obvious show of my feelings, it's deeper than that.  My unhappiness stems from an unknown source, and hours like this only leave me wondering when the feeling will pass since I apparently have no control over it.

But I know after a little bit of rest my high spirit will return... just an occasional low in my high-speed speed.  Plus I have a guest to look forward to tomorrow!  Everything else is just growing pains:  I am literally outgrowing the pains of the past.  Unfortunately I cannot be as emotionless as Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, I am - sometimes unfortunately - afflicted with the strong and high emotions of a very high energy human being.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, but Sheldon probably has Asperger Syndrom or OCD or both...I think you're better off.