Wallow

Okay 85%, 83%, and 82% are my grades thus far in LW403, Constitutional Law. I also have roughly a chance at probably only a 70% on a tiny 50 point instructor grade for the quizzes we have online. So the more than likely 400 point TEE is what my grade rests on. If I get an amazing 100% on the TEE I can get an 89.2% in the course. Great. So even if I were to study every single day for the rest of the semester the best I can hope for is a B+? Wonderful. I have to get at least 378/400 on the TEE or a 95% to get a B+ in the course. See if I didn't know math I wouldn't be sitting her cursing myself and the heavens above because I can't pull off a B on a simple homework assignment.
Okay. I have to speed up this process of 'dealing with it' in which I'm supposed to allow myself a week to recover. I don't have a week. I need to start studying now and it's only going to go in one ear and out the other if I blow it off. Last little vent: The grades with people who have A's is sent out and today I got to see slammed in my face all the names of people who are doing so well they have A's in classes. And yes I'm sullen about it and feeling self-pity and jealously claiming that I could have A's too if I wasn't lazy. In essence the two sides of me are torn. One side of me, the non-hypocritical and common sense side is chiding myself and keeps on telling the emotional jealous and self-pitying side of myself that I spend too much time blowing off assignments and that I nap and allot too much time for just wasting time. Did I enjoy playing penguin tower defense? Yes, and these are the fruits of my efforts. I thought time and time again about my assignments and my essays especially and did I do them? I decided they could wait until the day before they were due. I stupidly also decided they could sometimes wait until a couple hours before they were due.
Deep breath. 1.... 2.... 3. Okay. Now for the bright side.

I still got a great grade in LW310 outperforming Little-Miss-I-got-an-A-because-I-have-OCD on the biggest assignment of the year. I also might have hurt my grade in LW403 because I blew off another online quiz which as I hear really pisses off instructors when you ignore them three times in a row. In my defense... I really have nothing. Oh well. I'll survive. If I do really well in LW310 than I believe I can still balance the two grades out an average a B+. The same goes for my GPA this year in that case. I still can't tell what's going to happen in PL300, Leadership. For some reason the relationship with that instructor has waned as well. I can't read everyone. I'm so sick of it right now. And the printer is empty of paper.

Perhaps I am just irritable because I have Writ #3 today and I don't feel prepared. Well time waits for no man or woman I suppose. I have to go, and to put the cherry on the pie I accidentally volunteered to help with a subject I like but haven't DONE in a year. There better be some damn good karma in store for this!