I have been wanting to post a lot this week, but every time I am at the computer and have some time I don't have the motivation. It's very much the same with my academic work as well. At any rate there has been some introspection going on, and some curiousity about events outside my control.
On women in the infantry and armor branch. To be honest, it seems like the same wall is there that existed here at West Point for women's wrestling. I feel like a shell of a woman in that aspect. Just having missed the NYAC Holiday tournament. I am really down and out about it, like I let myself down, but I made the cogniscent decision at least a month in advance. I was wondering if I'd have the time at the end of August. Judging by how behind I currently remain on paper upon paper... I really need to buckle down and plow forward.
Oops, I digressed. Back to women in infantry and armor. The problem that is repeating is the lack of women who want to. I want women to have the right, I would be willing to serve in infantry, but I am lacking in some ways. I would have to fight and work hard to pass the male minimum standard of push-ups. I would struggle in day to day PT in Infantry. I am unsure if I could do it.
Yet another side of me argues that isn't important. What is important is being willing to suffer for the right for other women. And even if that was only a few women, well we all deserve the chance. It's a patch in the social quilt that is our patriarcal society. Let's face it, historically presidents usually have military background. The best way to advance in our military is to be in the combat arms. The combat arms have the most prestige. It's not the only route, but it's a significant path.
I guess what is bothering me is even if I am not the most qualified woman and even if the most qualified women don't want to currently... can I still fight for women to be allowed in the military? How would I deal with defeat in this aspect? What would defeat look like? As gradual as my defeat in wrestling? I am worried I will never get back into wrestling. I wonder if I've grown into other pursuits... or simply lost touch with wrestling in any way serious. I can still roll around... but what about the future. What about my other goals? What about beyond the Army? I want so much, but some of the things I want would entail maybe further service. And I'm not so sure how the military career suits me yet. I never imagined life as a Transportation Officer.
There are so many more things to write, but currently this will have to suffice. Until next blog, Danke.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Just to Clarify... then more Rebelliousness
A few recent events have made me a little panicky about this blog. I just want to clarify that I'm not an investigative blogger. I have no pretensions with this blog. It's just perspective, it's just thoughts, and hopefully it's mostly the truth. I believe like all people who blog what is on their minds I've had enough figurative foot-in-mouth moments of embarrassment that make me want to go back and delete a post for something I wrote... but I guess if I did that I would have only a pitiful handful of entries on this blog.
Whew! Now that's out of the way, I have noticed some hullabaloo about the full body scanners... I had to go through one in Europe. They aren't so bad, but the scanner still picked up my zippers on my boots and the buttons sewn into my jeans, things that didn't set off the metal detectors (in some airports in Europe you don't have to take off your shoes)... so I still had to get a pat-down. It was done by a female, but I felt annoyed. Why did I have to go through the machine if I was getting a pat-down anyway? Obviously the technology is lacking. Thus far and from this side, my biggest complaint lies with the inefficacy of these new machines, I'm not too sure about radiation side-effects when supposedly we get a lot of those from holding cell phones to our heads too.
I also am suspicious of stricter measures at airports and perhaps throughout the states in the name of national security. Airports are already nightmares of waiting. And even if we do implement a new measure it will only be as effective as the last without the budget to go with the manpower to enforce it. I am just skeptical that making things more inconvenient is a viable solution.
On a slightly related but hilarious side note, apparently a certain airline's insurance does not cover the following:
At the last few exciting events and talks I've been to, I've had the chance to shine in natural brightness. It's a nice feeling. I am not claiming to be very intelligent. Facts and figures escape me. I open mouth insert foot all the time. It's such a hit and a miss, but I've made some new friends and this has reaffirmed some beliefs I've held about myself all these years. I was also spurred into more action... but still a part of me reflects on myself, my particular strengths and weaknesses and what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's such an open road, I really promise to write more about this another blog. Until then, tchau!
Whew! Now that's out of the way, I have noticed some hullabaloo about the full body scanners... I had to go through one in Europe. They aren't so bad, but the scanner still picked up my zippers on my boots and the buttons sewn into my jeans, things that didn't set off the metal detectors (in some airports in Europe you don't have to take off your shoes)... so I still had to get a pat-down. It was done by a female, but I felt annoyed. Why did I have to go through the machine if I was getting a pat-down anyway? Obviously the technology is lacking. Thus far and from this side, my biggest complaint lies with the inefficacy of these new machines, I'm not too sure about radiation side-effects when supposedly we get a lot of those from holding cell phones to our heads too.
I also am suspicious of stricter measures at airports and perhaps throughout the states in the name of national security. Airports are already nightmares of waiting. And even if we do implement a new measure it will only be as effective as the last without the budget to go with the manpower to enforce it. I am just skeptical that making things more inconvenient is a viable solution.
On a slightly related but hilarious side note, apparently a certain airline's insurance does not cover the following:
This plan does not cover any insured Loss caused by or resulting from:
- Intentionally self-inflicted Injury, suicide, or attempted suicide of the Insured, Family Member, Traveling Companion or Business Partner while sane or insane;
- Pregnancy, childbirth, or elective abortion, other than Complications of Pregnancy;
- Participation in professional athletic events, motor sport, or motor racing, including training or practice for the same;
- Mountaineering where ropes or guides are normally used. The ascent or descent of a mountain requiring the use of specialized equipment, including but not limited to pick-axes, anchors, bolts, crampons, carabineers, and lead or top-rope anchoring equipment;
- War or act of war, whether declared or not, civil disorder, riot, or insurrection;
- Operating or learning to operate any aircraft, as student, pilot, or crew;
- Air travel on any air-supported device, other than a regularly scheduled airline or air charter company;
- Loss or damage caused by detention, confiscation, or destruction by customs;
- Any unlawful acts, committed by the Insured, a Family Member, or a Traveling Companion, or Business Partner whether insured or not;
- Mental, Nervous or Psychological Disorder or rest cures;
- If the Insured’s tickets do not contain specific travel dates (open tickets);
- Use of drugs, narcotics, or alcohol, unless administered upon the advice of a Physician;
- Any failure of a provider of travel related services (including any Travel Supplier) to provide the bargained-for travel services or to refund money due the Insured;
- Experimental or Investigative treatment or procedures;
- Any Loss that occurs at a time when this coverage is not in effect;
- Traveling for the purpose of securing medical treatment;
- Care or treatment which is not Medically Necessary;
- Any Trip taken outside the advice of a Physician;
- Financial Default;
War or act of war is my absolute favorite ^^ if insurance doesn't cover this, than I don't want it. You can never be too sure, right? And what's the point in buying it, if it won't cover your basic acts of war or other international incidents? Naturally I jest ;)
Once again I've written a blog over a lengthy period of time and in between work and homework. Of course the night ends with me knowing I am still not caught up with my work and still need to work on my thesis and still need to submit those interviews! Occasionally I feel overwhelmed.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I Put on my Red Dress
Hello world, it's been so long since I wrote on this blog.
Anyway, been feeling a lot rebellious. It's another year and yet again I am spurred to fight with all my heart. Feels like things have come full circle in many ways. Plebe year it felt like running into a wall of bricks. I still remember struggling on the BEAST Barracks rucks. I was so out of breath. I remember a female chaplain telling me (kindly) to calm down. On our first ruck on the ski slope I felt tight-chested and then like I couldn't breathe. I had to catch my breath. Then and several times in between I've been plagued with self-doubt in between personal victories. Am I suited to this profession? Is my weakness at bearing heavy loads something that makes me unfit for this privilege of officership? I sometimes forget how small I am in comparison with a lot of my peers here.
Tonight was Branch Night. A branch in the army is defined as: "a particular area of expertise" according to Wikipedia. And we all know that Wikipedia is the absolute in common knowledge. At any rate, my branch, in which I'm expected to be technically and tactically proficient is: Transportation. The me from a year ago would probably be aghast. The me of today is more patient, though just as proud.
And speaking of things I never thought would be true. Does anyone else wish there were more warnings on the privacy sacrifices made by using popular technology? I mean, a lot of these friendly apps from Android linking with Facebook and seemingly innocent shares of information are a bit scary. Here's a real quote from the Guardian Project of Android.
"The ability for a group of people to passively track each others locations in a secure manner has quickly risen to the top of the must-have list. Consider a team member traveling to another country or remote region with the support team being able to easily, but securely, ping their device at any time to determine their current location."
The website actually offers some great solutions to privacy intrusion, but this goes back to the real issue of how much protection of your information do you actually need to go to lengths to? Where is there "reasonable expectation of privacy" in the techonologically-enabled world? Thought the below video was pretty funny and the dystopia we all seek to avoid. I don't believe in anything like Terminator or Matrix... but something along the lines of 1984 seems all too possible.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/25/moveon-ad-dystopic-republicorp-2010_n_773689.html
Anyway, been feeling a lot rebellious. It's another year and yet again I am spurred to fight with all my heart. Feels like things have come full circle in many ways. Plebe year it felt like running into a wall of bricks. I still remember struggling on the BEAST Barracks rucks. I was so out of breath. I remember a female chaplain telling me (kindly) to calm down. On our first ruck on the ski slope I felt tight-chested and then like I couldn't breathe. I had to catch my breath. Then and several times in between I've been plagued with self-doubt in between personal victories. Am I suited to this profession? Is my weakness at bearing heavy loads something that makes me unfit for this privilege of officership? I sometimes forget how small I am in comparison with a lot of my peers here.
Tonight was Branch Night. A branch in the army is defined as: "a particular area of expertise" according to Wikipedia. And we all know that Wikipedia is the absolute in common knowledge. At any rate, my branch, in which I'm expected to be technically and tactically proficient is: Transportation. The me from a year ago would probably be aghast. The me of today is more patient, though just as proud.
And speaking of things I never thought would be true. Does anyone else wish there were more warnings on the privacy sacrifices made by using popular technology? I mean, a lot of these friendly apps from Android linking with Facebook and seemingly innocent shares of information are a bit scary. Here's a real quote from the Guardian Project of Android.
"The ability for a group of people to passively track each others locations in a secure manner has quickly risen to the top of the must-have list. Consider a team member traveling to another country or remote region with the support team being able to easily, but securely, ping their device at any time to determine their current location."
The website actually offers some great solutions to privacy intrusion, but this goes back to the real issue of how much protection of your information do you actually need to go to lengths to? Where is there "reasonable expectation of privacy" in the techonologically-enabled world? Thought the below video was pretty funny and the dystopia we all seek to avoid. I don't believe in anything like Terminator or Matrix... but something along the lines of 1984 seems all too possible.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/25/moveon-ad-dystopic-republicorp-2010_n_773689.html
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Hours pass, and I still count the Minutes
So.. I have finally had the epiphany that age is simply a number. This has really taken me a while to learn. It was really just a fantasy of mine that you could label people based on the number of years they'd been on the earth... but while there are certain things you cannot deny such as the culture you were exposed to or the generation you belong to... you cannot assume that someone with more years is necessarily wiser.
What did it take for me to understand this? Well, a strange connection between old lessons and the rather plain statement of,
"Whether he was sixteen or nineteen, what he did was wrong, and if he pulled such a dumbass move at nineteen you can guarantee in the same situation he would have acted the same at sixteen."
Huh. Funny when you put it like that. I just always wished there was an age where you could be held culpable for your actions, and while there is such an age in legal terms... well when it comes to feelings whether of anger or annoyance and when it comes to the moral issue of placing blame... well age is a fuzzy area. And the area in and after puberty is pretty crazy in terms of maturity. There really isn't a label... and that can be downright frustrating.
However, having learned that lesson with some small exceptions... it's still hard to remember that when I consider the day to day mundane situations I find myself in.
Moving on... I feel a swell of pity for any boy who is or becomes interested in me at this point. It is regrettable that I feel a huge amount of for lack of a better word: bitchiness for the opposite gender that would like to initiate a romantic pursuit of me.
That probably sounds obscenely conceited, except that I'm twice as frustrated because I'm feeling something throughout my veins I don't usually acknowledge: bitterness. I'm completely crushed and feeling more down and out at the moment than usual. It's not guys in general, but right now it's the boys who hit on me. For some reason it's making me angry. And I don't feel apologetic for it at all. I feel a stupid sense of vindication because I've been hurt and the odds are that this will end the same way. It doesn't help that three of the last four come ons were purely physical and self-serving on the guys' end. And I'm glad I turned them all down. But at the same time I can't help but sing a woe-is-me "where have all the cowboys gone?" tune.
But it's better to take these feelings I suppose and channel them towards my goals. Gotta buy a car, get into shape, and plan a road trip. Also, spending time with my cousins and my friends. Still it's hard to supress the surprisingly strong bitchy urge to really make the next guy suffer. Oh, and it doesn't help that at the same time I'm trying to get my smart if angry mind to convince my heart to get the hell over the failures of the present. And I know I've talked about him enough and it's obvious I'm still taken with him, still charmed, and still enamored... but damnit I know better I just can't make myself change overnight. So please forgive the chatter about useless bums in foreign countries... I know what the problem is and I assure you I'm working as hard as I can on the solution.
What did it take for me to understand this? Well, a strange connection between old lessons and the rather plain statement of,
"Whether he was sixteen or nineteen, what he did was wrong, and if he pulled such a dumbass move at nineteen you can guarantee in the same situation he would have acted the same at sixteen."
Huh. Funny when you put it like that. I just always wished there was an age where you could be held culpable for your actions, and while there is such an age in legal terms... well when it comes to feelings whether of anger or annoyance and when it comes to the moral issue of placing blame... well age is a fuzzy area. And the area in and after puberty is pretty crazy in terms of maturity. There really isn't a label... and that can be downright frustrating.
However, having learned that lesson with some small exceptions... it's still hard to remember that when I consider the day to day mundane situations I find myself in.
Moving on... I feel a swell of pity for any boy who is or becomes interested in me at this point. It is regrettable that I feel a huge amount of for lack of a better word: bitchiness for the opposite gender that would like to initiate a romantic pursuit of me.
That probably sounds obscenely conceited, except that I'm twice as frustrated because I'm feeling something throughout my veins I don't usually acknowledge: bitterness. I'm completely crushed and feeling more down and out at the moment than usual. It's not guys in general, but right now it's the boys who hit on me. For some reason it's making me angry. And I don't feel apologetic for it at all. I feel a stupid sense of vindication because I've been hurt and the odds are that this will end the same way. It doesn't help that three of the last four come ons were purely physical and self-serving on the guys' end. And I'm glad I turned them all down. But at the same time I can't help but sing a woe-is-me "where have all the cowboys gone?" tune.
But it's better to take these feelings I suppose and channel them towards my goals. Gotta buy a car, get into shape, and plan a road trip. Also, spending time with my cousins and my friends. Still it's hard to supress the surprisingly strong bitchy urge to really make the next guy suffer. Oh, and it doesn't help that at the same time I'm trying to get my smart if angry mind to convince my heart to get the hell over the failures of the present. And I know I've talked about him enough and it's obvious I'm still taken with him, still charmed, and still enamored... but damnit I know better I just can't make myself change overnight. So please forgive the chatter about useless bums in foreign countries... I know what the problem is and I assure you I'm working as hard as I can on the solution.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I'm Proud of Where I Came From..
Haven't posted in a while, but figured it was time to.
After this essay is done for Comparative Legal Systems I can finally get down to business of getting in shape for the November NYAC tournament.
Gotta say that my motto right now is everything happens for a reason. I am not exactly thrilled at the prospect of facing all the bad things that are going to happen to me or the bad things that have happened to me so far... I've been betrayed, taken advantage of, lied to, and trodden on. I've been hurting so bad I could only laugh, the worst moment in my life and I couldn't handle it. I've loved deeply, dumbly, blindly, and been saved inadvertently by the very nature of the boys who couldn't handle me.
And I can't undo all the evil I've been responsible for... I've hurt people with my words, I've made people feel small, I've been silent when I could have, even should have, said the right thing. I've accepted defeat. I've attacked myself for every failure and I've procrastinated to the point it is unhealthy. I've been guilty of envy, sloth and pride.
But I can't wait for the future good that is going to happen. And only more can happen with the right drive, applying myself, and keeping myself focused. I think the hardest lesson for girls after they are eighteen is to learn they don't have to go out with "relatively cute good guy there is not necessarily a spark for" It's so hard to resist sometimes though. We want to be in relationships.. it's only natural. And hell it could work out, but it wouldn't be sheer happiness which is what, in my mind, it's supposed to be. So what makes me ridiculously outrageously happy now? What makes me get that look of determination and hope? What makes me babble on and on and use corny phrases and mean them? Wrestling.
So today I discovered a "grip machine" in the Pershing basement. a stick with a cord attached to a weight. That is a sign if I ever saw one. I also saw a kid working out in the basement who looked like a wrestler. I also ran 3.5 miles last week. My legs feel fine. I'm not training hard yet because of this damn essay but after that it's forgive the phrasing... balls to the walls.
Also... considering cutting my hair short again. Must check the schedule for senior pictures. Would like my picture to have an adorable braid I figured out how to do while I was in Portugal... but at the same time I think it would be a symbolic gesture. While I get lots of compliments on my hair, it's quite distracting to boys and it seems like they still can't get it through their thick heads I am quite turned off of military boys at this point.
And that's not a permanent thing, but it's a right now thing. I have met someone who I really felt a click with, and really felt for on so many levels. I think even though that didn't work, I want that sync. I want someone who can at times stay a step ahead of me, and I want someone humble enough to give me my dues when I catch him flat-footed. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I want someone I haven't met yet. In other words, if he's not around here, then I shoud use the opportunity to put my heart and soul into my goals because by accomplishing them... in between he'll show up and I'll figure out slowly that he's the one.
I guess I am also expressing my frustration with current individuals who have really taken my rejection the wrong way... they believe if they can boast prowess in all sorts of for example military, physical and/or social levels I will suddenly fall back into infatuation with them. And if there was a way to give him a mental slap in the back of the head I would. But at this point I am trying to keep my mouth shut when people won't get it.
I even caught myself today when I started to argue with my 25 year old friend who was explaining how "old" he is. Give me a break. Some of my friends in Europe were 26, 28, 29, not to mention the great rapport I've always enjoyed with my mentors. One of my pet peeves, well occasionally I use it as a source of entertainment, is when a 24-25 year old talks about the "old days". I may only be 20, and born on the wrong side of a decade to prove my age... but for crying out loud... you're only 5 years older than me! What on earth were you processing/comprehending when you were 5 years old? And if your so wise, why are you my classmate? I would respect people like that more if they didn't try to brag about it. But... I digress.
So my first crush on a good guy who handled me fairly well and with whom I have a strong friendship and don't get annoyed with... well he was good at a lot. He made friends with people he respected, he lives his life in a good way (he would say Christian, but I would say good), he was physically proficient, extremely intelligent, and had other skills as well. I'm just glad that only one guy knows that I had a thing for him, because well he doesn't understand it wasn't all those things that made me like this guy.. it was the things that nobody knew or understood about him. It was the funny, awkward, clever, argumentative, cute man underneath that proficient exterior that I liked. But boys don't get it. It's not about physical although that is definitely a plus, and where a lot of initial attraction starts.
Eh... the point is... boys are bad news right now and maybe I am gettin a pixie cut. And hopefully the blogs will start again in better strength in July. Until then, I'm out.
After this essay is done for Comparative Legal Systems I can finally get down to business of getting in shape for the November NYAC tournament.
Gotta say that my motto right now is everything happens for a reason. I am not exactly thrilled at the prospect of facing all the bad things that are going to happen to me or the bad things that have happened to me so far... I've been betrayed, taken advantage of, lied to, and trodden on. I've been hurting so bad I could only laugh, the worst moment in my life and I couldn't handle it. I've loved deeply, dumbly, blindly, and been saved inadvertently by the very nature of the boys who couldn't handle me.
And I can't undo all the evil I've been responsible for... I've hurt people with my words, I've made people feel small, I've been silent when I could have, even should have, said the right thing. I've accepted defeat. I've attacked myself for every failure and I've procrastinated to the point it is unhealthy. I've been guilty of envy, sloth and pride.
But I can't wait for the future good that is going to happen. And only more can happen with the right drive, applying myself, and keeping myself focused. I think the hardest lesson for girls after they are eighteen is to learn they don't have to go out with "relatively cute good guy there is not necessarily a spark for" It's so hard to resist sometimes though. We want to be in relationships.. it's only natural. And hell it could work out, but it wouldn't be sheer happiness which is what, in my mind, it's supposed to be. So what makes me ridiculously outrageously happy now? What makes me get that look of determination and hope? What makes me babble on and on and use corny phrases and mean them? Wrestling.
So today I discovered a "grip machine" in the Pershing basement. a stick with a cord attached to a weight. That is a sign if I ever saw one. I also saw a kid working out in the basement who looked like a wrestler. I also ran 3.5 miles last week. My legs feel fine. I'm not training hard yet because of this damn essay but after that it's forgive the phrasing... balls to the walls.
Also... considering cutting my hair short again. Must check the schedule for senior pictures. Would like my picture to have an adorable braid I figured out how to do while I was in Portugal... but at the same time I think it would be a symbolic gesture. While I get lots of compliments on my hair, it's quite distracting to boys and it seems like they still can't get it through their thick heads I am quite turned off of military boys at this point.
And that's not a permanent thing, but it's a right now thing. I have met someone who I really felt a click with, and really felt for on so many levels. I think even though that didn't work, I want that sync. I want someone who can at times stay a step ahead of me, and I want someone humble enough to give me my dues when I catch him flat-footed. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I want someone I haven't met yet. In other words, if he's not around here, then I shoud use the opportunity to put my heart and soul into my goals because by accomplishing them... in between he'll show up and I'll figure out slowly that he's the one.
I guess I am also expressing my frustration with current individuals who have really taken my rejection the wrong way... they believe if they can boast prowess in all sorts of for example military, physical and/or social levels I will suddenly fall back into infatuation with them. And if there was a way to give him a mental slap in the back of the head I would. But at this point I am trying to keep my mouth shut when people won't get it.
I even caught myself today when I started to argue with my 25 year old friend who was explaining how "old" he is. Give me a break. Some of my friends in Europe were 26, 28, 29, not to mention the great rapport I've always enjoyed with my mentors. One of my pet peeves, well occasionally I use it as a source of entertainment, is when a 24-25 year old talks about the "old days". I may only be 20, and born on the wrong side of a decade to prove my age... but for crying out loud... you're only 5 years older than me! What on earth were you processing/comprehending when you were 5 years old? And if your so wise, why are you my classmate? I would respect people like that more if they didn't try to brag about it. But... I digress.
So my first crush on a good guy who handled me fairly well and with whom I have a strong friendship and don't get annoyed with... well he was good at a lot. He made friends with people he respected, he lives his life in a good way (he would say Christian, but I would say good), he was physically proficient, extremely intelligent, and had other skills as well. I'm just glad that only one guy knows that I had a thing for him, because well he doesn't understand it wasn't all those things that made me like this guy.. it was the things that nobody knew or understood about him. It was the funny, awkward, clever, argumentative, cute man underneath that proficient exterior that I liked. But boys don't get it. It's not about physical although that is definitely a plus, and where a lot of initial attraction starts.
Eh... the point is... boys are bad news right now and maybe I am gettin a pixie cut. And hopefully the blogs will start again in better strength in July. Until then, I'm out.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
18 December
So I'm coming home on the 18th now and buying the tickets as soon as I read and understand my order to Germany. After that it's pretty simple. Only two more assignments this week and then it's term ends.
The end of the year isn't so bad. Just getting the finishing touches from instructors on all those term end study guides.
Ordered my ring today (the 8th of December if blogger posts this as the day after or yesterday). Spent a grand total of $198.oo on it. It was $174 for the 'celestrium' battle ring. No gold. And the stone I got is a polished piece of West Point. A piece of granite. That was it. I got the miniature so it will be small and not garrish. I'm wearing a size 5 3/4. I'm glad though because in addition to being useful this ring is making me some money. They deposit $1100 in your account to use to buy your ring. I am only using a little leaving me with $902 soon to be in my top off and safely in savings.
I have all B's and up now. This is my best year so far I think and hopefully some hard work and studying this week will mean a nice increase in academic and military rank. I have an A- militarily. Which sorta offends me, but hey if it's higher than my average I'll keep my mouth shut... right?
That's it for today finally feeling tired and need to prepare for another day of: school! followed by mind-numbing, toe-numbing drill for the parade onto the field. Damn them.
The end of the year isn't so bad. Just getting the finishing touches from instructors on all those term end study guides.
Ordered my ring today (the 8th of December if blogger posts this as the day after or yesterday). Spent a grand total of $198.oo on it. It was $174 for the 'celestrium' battle ring. No gold. And the stone I got is a polished piece of West Point. A piece of granite. That was it. I got the miniature so it will be small and not garrish. I'm wearing a size 5 3/4. I'm glad though because in addition to being useful this ring is making me some money. They deposit $1100 in your account to use to buy your ring. I am only using a little leaving me with $902 soon to be in my top off and safely in savings.
I have all B's and up now. This is my best year so far I think and hopefully some hard work and studying this week will mean a nice increase in academic and military rank. I have an A- militarily. Which sorta offends me, but hey if it's higher than my average I'll keep my mouth shut... right?
That's it for today finally feeling tired and need to prepare for another day of: school! followed by mind-numbing, toe-numbing drill for the parade onto the field. Damn them.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Wallow
Okay 85%, 83%, and 82% are my grades thus far in LW403, Constitutional Law. I also have roughly a chance at probably only a 70% on a tiny 50 point instructor grade for the quizzes we have online. So the more than likely 400 point TEE is what my grade rests on. If I get an amazing 100% on the TEE I can get an 89.2% in the course. Great. So even if I were to study every single day for the rest of the semester the best I can hope for is a B+? Wonderful. I have to get at least 378/400 on the TEE or a 95% to get a B+ in the course. See if I didn't know math I wouldn't be sitting her cursing myself and the heavens above because I can't pull off a B on a simple homework assignment.
Okay. I have to speed up this process of 'dealing with it' in which I'm supposed to allow myself a week to recover. I don't have a week. I need to start studying now and it's only going to go in one ear and out the other if I blow it off. Last little vent: The grades with people who have A's is sent out and today I got to see slammed in my face all the names of people who are doing so well they have A's in classes. And yes I'm sullen about it and feeling self-pity and jealously claiming that I could have A's too if I wasn't lazy. In essence the two sides of me are torn. One side of me, the non-hypocritical and common sense side is chiding myself and keeps on telling the emotional jealous and self-pitying side of myself that I spend too much time blowing off assignments and that I nap and allot too much time for just wasting time. Did I enjoy playing penguin tower defense? Yes, and these are the fruits of my efforts. I thought time and time again about my assignments and my essays especially and did I do them? I decided they could wait until the day before they were due. I stupidly also decided they could sometimes wait until a couple hours before they were due.
Deep breath. 1.... 2.... 3. Okay. Now for the bright side.
I still got a great grade in LW310 outperforming Little-Miss-I-got-an-A-because-I-have-OCD on the biggest assignment of the year. I also might have hurt my grade in LW403 because I blew off another online quiz which as I hear really pisses off instructors when you ignore them three times in a row. In my defense... I really have nothing. Oh well. I'll survive. If I do really well in LW310 than I believe I can still balance the two grades out an average a B+. The same goes for my GPA this year in that case. I still can't tell what's going to happen in PL300, Leadership. For some reason the relationship with that instructor has waned as well. I can't read everyone. I'm so sick of it right now. And the printer is empty of paper.
Perhaps I am just irritable because I have Writ #3 today and I don't feel prepared. Well time waits for no man or woman I suppose. I have to go, and to put the cherry on the pie I accidentally volunteered to help with a subject I like but haven't DONE in a year. There better be some damn good karma in store for this!
Okay. I have to speed up this process of 'dealing with it' in which I'm supposed to allow myself a week to recover. I don't have a week. I need to start studying now and it's only going to go in one ear and out the other if I blow it off. Last little vent: The grades with people who have A's is sent out and today I got to see slammed in my face all the names of people who are doing so well they have A's in classes. And yes I'm sullen about it and feeling self-pity and jealously claiming that I could have A's too if I wasn't lazy. In essence the two sides of me are torn. One side of me, the non-hypocritical and common sense side is chiding myself and keeps on telling the emotional jealous and self-pitying side of myself that I spend too much time blowing off assignments and that I nap and allot too much time for just wasting time. Did I enjoy playing penguin tower defense? Yes, and these are the fruits of my efforts. I thought time and time again about my assignments and my essays especially and did I do them? I decided they could wait until the day before they were due. I stupidly also decided they could sometimes wait until a couple hours before they were due.
Deep breath. 1.... 2.... 3. Okay. Now for the bright side.
I still got a great grade in LW310 outperforming Little-Miss-I-got-an-A-because-I-have-OCD on the biggest assignment of the year. I also might have hurt my grade in LW403 because I blew off another online quiz which as I hear really pisses off instructors when you ignore them three times in a row. In my defense... I really have nothing. Oh well. I'll survive. If I do really well in LW310 than I believe I can still balance the two grades out an average a B+. The same goes for my GPA this year in that case. I still can't tell what's going to happen in PL300, Leadership. For some reason the relationship with that instructor has waned as well. I can't read everyone. I'm so sick of it right now. And the printer is empty of paper.
Perhaps I am just irritable because I have Writ #3 today and I don't feel prepared. Well time waits for no man or woman I suppose. I have to go, and to put the cherry on the pie I accidentally volunteered to help with a subject I like but haven't DONE in a year. There better be some damn good karma in store for this!
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