Starting off 2011

Every time I'm home I read The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella.  I admit I didn't finish it this time but it's going with me.  I did finish All Quiet on the Western Front and Squirrel seeks Chipmunk.  Anyway I'm taking my Kinsella book with me, along with a framed gift from several years ago and several more articles of clothing than I arrived with.  At least I'm only leaving with one extra pair of shoes this time...  and to be fair I am leaving behind a pair of boots to be fixed... at any rate.

This has to be quick because once again I'm packing up until the hour I leave my dusty hometown yet another year.  I am in a slight panic.  I love this city somewhat.  I love the food here anyway.  And here I love sleeping in so late.  I love being able to study whatever comes to my fancy.  I admit I wish I had a car here, and an apartment maybe... but only for a little bit.  I would want to travel again.  But for now I am a little sad.  I want to stay... tomorrow I go back.

My hair is in worse shape but I haven't bit my nails since being home, which is highly unusual.  I stayed in for New Years and I won a cash game of poker, Texas Hold 'Em.  While on break, I told a guy off.  I went downtown with my cousin.  I played the new Kinect by Xbox.  I was kicked out of a club technically.  I went to a sports bar and bowling with my other cousins who I don't see as often.  I went to a new gym with family too, tried civilian-style Crossfit.  I saw my grandpa twice.  I ate menudo.  I drove to clear my mind.  I went to Zumba classes with my mom a couple of evenings.

My New Year's Resolutions are varied and complex - I'd like to think anyway - I'll develop them as time passes.  Right now the 50meter target is the flight in less than 3 hours.  Then it's getting to school in one piece.  Than reorganization half-week.  Than classes.  It's going to be a lot and it's going to be so great.  By the time I relax it will be my twenty-first birthday which I cannot wait for!  I have a thesis to finish and get ready to defend.  I have a lot more research to do, a second semester in German to schedule, and a spring break plan to make.  I have, I have, I have.  I am feeling very happy and absolutely have to finish packing now!  More on my goals next time!  Soon I take flight!

18 December

So I'm coming home on the 18th now and buying the tickets as soon as I read and understand my order to Germany. After that it's pretty simple. Only two more assignments this week and then it's term ends.

The end of the year isn't so bad. Just getting the finishing touches from instructors on all those term end study guides.

Ordered my ring today (the 8th of December if blogger posts this as the day after or yesterday). Spent a grand total of $198.oo on it. It was $174 for the 'celestrium' battle ring. No gold. And the stone I got is a polished piece of West Point. A piece of granite. That was it. I got the miniature so it will be small and not garrish. I'm wearing a size 5 3/4. I'm glad though because in addition to being useful this ring is making me some money. They deposit $1100 in your account to use to buy your ring. I am only using a little leaving me with $902 soon to be in my top off and safely in savings.

I have all B's and up now. This is my best year so far I think and hopefully some hard work and studying this week will mean a nice increase in academic and military rank. I have an A- militarily. Which sorta offends me, but hey if it's higher than my average I'll keep my mouth shut... right?

That's it for today finally feeling tired and need to prepare for another day of: school! followed by mind-numbing, toe-numbing drill for the parade onto the field. Damn them.

Very Professional, Eh?

Tomorrow is the first day of classes as a cow. As usual I've waited till half past midnight to prepare. This is just my style when it comes to the academic year. I slept in today until I had a meeting that my friend called me to have with him at Grant. A nice public area with many cadets around. The meeting was called in order to discuss the nature of our friendship. He tried smiling and asking how my day was before we went in and sat down. I didn't have much to say. I knew something bad was coming. I went in and sat down and concentrated on the far side of the table and let him speak. His demeanor changed as we sat down. His voice became gruff and he sounded like he was really laying down the law. Apparently our interactions lately had been reduced to playing games. We were saying we were one thing and acting like another thing. At least, that's what he told me.

I said I had nothing to say about it, that I respected his wishes, and promptly stormed off.

I was sadly disappointed he did not follow me, or inquire if I was okay. I have been stewing about that all day. I can't very well turn around and pretend it's okay. I have no desire to stay mad at him either, since I thought we were being friends. The examples he was siting were just our one on one interactions, in particular being alone together for anything, and interactions between us in the hallways that could be misconstrued as flirting.

I, for one, am slightly baffled by his request. I thought we had already decided we were already friends. Additionally the day we really fell apart in my mind and heart was two days ago, which isn't nearly enough time to evaluate how we're acting around each other. Finally, our interactions which can be construed as flirtatious or more than friendly have been mutually-initiated things. If anything he has stopped by my room more often than I have stopped by his room.

Regarding these facts, I am even more irritated at the accusatory manner with which he addressed the nature of our friendship. As though I was trying to lead him astray! I am unsettled once again. I'm not even sure I'll go to the Sandhurst meeting this Wednesday. I know I won't be on the team this year because of my semester abroad (which cannot come soon enough) and I definitely don't have any original ideas to contribute on the matter. The only thing that may motivate me to go are the friends I made on the team that are still there for me.

I am seeing someone else anyway. I am not anyone's girlfriend nor do I have a boyfriend, but I am seeing a sophomore, a yuk if you will. He does not have any issues with my faith. We haven't even so much as discussed the core of our belief although I know he's Catholic. The most serious topics we've discussed have been what's good music and how I don't know anything about cars or football. We don't care what people construe our interactions as, because frankly we don't give a damn. He and I do our own thing, we're not constantly together. This weekend, I went out with new friends, and he stayed in although people on his team wanted him to go out with them.

Why can't things always be this simple? We're just seeing each other. We're not seeing other people, but we're not getting serious. It's like weightless. There isn't a committment and I can breathe. There's also no pressue to be anything I'm not already.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I spent time soul-searching this summer. I feel like I've really gotten a handle on what I believe. I am joyful for that. However, I am more indignant than ever to be judged because I don't have what someone else's opinion is the proper degree of relationship with Jesus that I'm supposed to have. What that even means escapes me. I don't think it was ever the purpose of God or Jesus in our lives to come between us and healthy relationships with each other. I think that you're narrow-minded to believe you know God's plan, or that you can sense God's intentions. I think you're putting up a wall, and sealing yourself in a casket, to say that someone else needs the same level of spirituality to pursue a relationship of even warm friendship. Heaven forbid you enjoy a conversation that doesn't center on Jesus Christ... so you feel like you've garnered some wisdom on relationships from a lowly believer now that you're done, you'll continue to wait for God to drop some drop-dead gorgeous, absolutely perfect, God-fearing, midwest girl in your path. And she better be just as holy as you are. I hope she has a friggin' halo, anything less subtle and you may doubt her worthiness to so much as flirt with you.

Sorry that was bitter, and venting. It needed to be done. I'm hurting right now. It hurts immensely. It always hurts. Even if it's for the better. For all I know, this is God's plan and in reality I wouldn't be happy with a guy like this. In fact from the looks of it, I won't be happy with a guy like that. I'm obviously unhappy right now.

Back to classes. Is it ironic that my first hour instructor is the head coach for a certain team? I think so. The guy I'm seeing is on that team. I didn't notice until tonight. Then I also start my first law class tomorrow, I'm excited about this. I think I will like my English instructor, they sent out their guidance this night at 2230. A fellow procrastinator? I hope so.

I also start my workout routine tomorrow. The one I am constructing right now of course. It will be a fun exercise. I plan on getting my highest APFT score this year for the spring. It should totally be doable because I know I can get more push-ups than I did last time and I was in shape then too.

I also start to officially curb my diet tomorrow. Smaller portions. More fruit and vegetables. More water at mando-meals.

I will also be doing more homework at the Library. I have afternoons off. I can knock it out then in the hour after lunch before I take a nap. Thus leaving night time free for fun? We'll see how this plays out. This is the plan anyway.

S.O.S.

I finally cleaned my shelves, but I still have a large pile of mostly loose-leaf paper mostly notes from all my classes. I have a lot of things to take care of... and soon...

1. Got to get a notarized birth certificate from home
2. Schedule an appointment with the passport and VISA POC (Point of Contact)
3. Get a copy of my orders to go to Cape Verde this summer
4. Complete hours of internet training for the trip to Cape Verde, one of which includes uploading a picture of myself
5. Schedule an appointment with preventative med. dept. for vaccines that apply to the Cape Verde trip
6. Schedule a meeting with my Law Dept. Academic Counselor to talk about my 8-TAP (all of my classes throughout my time at West Point)
7. Get a credit card/checking account with Pent-Fed Credit Union
8. Go for a run in the gorgeous weather outside

On top of these mostly basics I have to do some academics too, statistics tonight, physics in general, econ policy paper is due soon for my group as well. The Term End Exam for law is a paper due lesson 40. A presentation for International Relations about Russia I think...

I also don't want my social life to stagnate when it seems to have so much momentum right now. I have the relay for life this saturday but hopefully more than that too. I need to make plans for TEE Leave since I have from Thursday until Sunday... I don't know where I should go but my roommate might be going somewhere interesting. I guess I should start asking around. I also need to plan my trip home ^^ I'll get plane tickets now that I know my schedule...

Other than feeling so busy, the weather finally turned from bitter cold to oppressive heat and it's been great. I admit there is a downside, but it's totally preferred to the snow and ice. Well hopefully I can get more done now, just a brief interlude.

Article 1: Sleep Cycles

At West Point, there are few cadets who go to sleep early. Those who do amaze and astound us night owls. Our schedules are hectic here. Wake up? Depends if you have a morning work out, or if you have a random drug test (via urinalysis, there's no better way to start the morning if you wake up dehydrated right?) or the occasional health and welfare inspection. At least the latter is fair since the entire company is roused at some ungodly hour and instructed in whatever clothes you have on to sit outside your room and wait for a small team of three to four active-duty senior NCO's and Officers to individually inspect each room looking for things that would be, well, a danger to our "health and welfare". Drug tests only affect about thirty or forty unlucky individuals.

Perhaps you like waking up early? Well say a cheery good morning to 0520 hours if you want to get a lane at the pool or a stationary bike in the '69 work-out room. Then squeeze a shower in before breakfast formation and breakfast at roughly 0700 hours. In case you thought you could relax, the first hour of classes is at 0730 sharp. There's no guarantee you will have one of these morning classes, but there is a significantly strong chance you will.

At 1250 the plebes (freshmen) announce to the company that lunch formation goes and in what uniform. You rush from class to your room to drop off books and lock up your laptop in case there is a random security inspection. You run to formation and if it's Monday (who doesn't love 'em?) you get to march in a haphazard formation in front of typically empty stands, a few stern officers, a handful of cadets who "grade" your performance and all to the monotonous beat of a drum and the annoying blare of bugles. You can't blame the band, all they do is their job, and to be honest it's not half bad except your marching over the parade field and there is goose shit everywhere.

Cut scene to Dean's hour. The hour set aside after lunch for a natural pause. During this hour a still settles over the barracks and you can feel the reluctance to go through with the second half of the day. At 1355 hours classes start again stat. At 1600 extracurriculars begin. There are so few afternoons that belong to you individually. At this point most teams are impatiently waiting for those who have last hour to grab their gear and meet at Arvin Gym, or the track, or at Mac Arthur's Statue, and before this most of the corps-squaders have already begun practice.

Finally as long as you aren't a plebe and it isn't Thursday Night Dinner you get to the evening. It may be anywhere from 1730 to 1845 by the time you are sitting in your room alone and contemplating the night's work. Hopefully you don't have a 1930 briefing in Rob Auditorium and you can take a shower and start on tonight's homework.

Unless maybe the thought of giving 'the man' your free hours distresses or annoys you. Then you might be the kind who puts your homework off. Defiantly kicking up your feet and surfing facebook or talking to your roommate if the two or three of you get along. Maybe you take a nice long shower, and maybe afterwards you start to read the book you've been wanting to, or perusing the magazine that's been glossily waiting in your second desk drawer. There's also all the little things you just have to do. You have to do laundry, and you have to clean up for the next day's A.M. Inspection, and you have to eat dinner.

What about the fun extracurricular activities at West Point? They do exist in the form of language clubs and dance lessons or the infantry tactics club if you're a little more HOOAH. When are you supposed to catch up on the latest gossip involving your circle in the throng of 4,000? Not when you're busy thinking about how you're going to finish an Excel File, a 2,000 word essay, ten pages for economics, and by the way you have to reset your PIN for you military I.D. because your computer just gave you the blue screen of death and thinks you tried the wrong PIN the max number of times so you need to go to the fourth floor of Washington Floor and stop by the S-1's office too.

I wish I still went to sleep by half past midnight. I've pulled all-nighter's now. Two in one month and right before major tests too. Just a small idea of the insanity dealt with every day. I'm not trying to get crappiest schedule of the year award, just trying to relate a lot at one time to people who don't know the school. If you have questions, let me know. I'll post a few examples of weeks (not just mine) hopefully in the near future. To be continued...