Living in Germany: Week 2 AAR

I have officially arrived at my unit for two weeks now, and it's great.  Last week I had a bunch of briefings that couldn't be helped.  I have to admit I got some decent information from each one, but they were long days and I felt drained after hours of PowerPoint and the monotonous repetition of, "Welcome to Bamberg."

Friday a friend visited me and we reminisced on our days at the Universidade de Coimbra in Portugal.  I can't believe it was two years ago already.

This Saturday 391st CSSB had a Valentine's Ball, and it was a nice event, I'm going to post some pics soon to my Flickr account.  I'm glad I had my ASU (Army Service Uniform or "dress blues") ready to go, because it would have been a shame to miss it.  While these events do have somewhat a frustrating compulsory aspect to them, they are - like everything else in life - what you make of them.  I ended up getting to know some of my peers in the battalion a little better, and a chance to see the people I've met throughout the week all in one place.  I met some Lt.'s wives (or girlfriends) as well, and in spite of the below freezing temperatures outside even enjoyed (most) of a nice cigar outside.

Sunday followed with more fun because of a group dinner 'party' which included a group effort to cook a dinner.  We tried a new recipe, so no one was entirely certain how it would turn out.  It was sort of a casserole with chicken, carrots, ginger, yogurt, spices, and rice.  Very delicious even though the rice was soggy, we served it in bowls, and since we were just having fun, it didn't matter that the appearance wasn't stellar.  I give the recipe four stars, because even not cooked perfectly, it was totally yummy!

Today as I was investigating the contents of my fridge, I discovered that my freezer actually does work to my chagrin.  The bottle of champagne I was saving for my boyfriend's arrival had unfortunately exploded:

It's a shame, but as you can see, it wasn't too costly of a mistake to make ;) plus I at least know that I will have ice cubes... even it seems to take forever.  Wish I had a balcony because it would be easier to just leave an ice tray outside at these temperatures!

As far as the upcoming week my to-do list is lengthy, even though I don't have a platoon yet, or really any subordinates to speak of (a manager with nothing to manage) it's a sort of free limbo for me:  a rare opportunity to get adjusted without heaps of pressure loaded on me.  It's funny that I should get the honor to deploy so soon after arriving when I never agonized over it like some of my male counterparts.  Some of them right now at West Point were trying to figure out by analyzing the dates of their respective branch BOLC and the rotating deployment shifts of the Brigade Combat Teams (BCTs), but of course it's sensitive intelligence, important to national security; and not everyone can just know it!  I'm pretty sure the people in charge don't even know exactly when and where deployments are scheduled and I am not saying this is part of the disorganization so often associated with government work, but because the world is a pretty fast changing place.  No one can say with total certainty where we will be in the next few years.

It's a short week though, and I have good things to look forward to!  There are exciting pictures and blogs to come in the near future!

Seriously... Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I also wish my life was more organized.  I have to take care of some things for this TBOLC and I just don't know when I'll have the time... which isn't entirely true, but it's in between socializing that I'll have to do these things.  I'm just frustrated and tired and trying to tolerate idiotic behavior from otherwise decent people.  And I'm trying to learn from and exemplify the maturity to know when to let go of a fight not worth fighting.  It's definitely important to learn to hold a neutral expression while dealing with someone you hold in contempt, and I value that lesson because it's my weakness.

But my strength is in my stupid will to fight, and fight, and keep fighting no matter how impossible the goal seems.  It's in my inability to be close and socialize much with people I cannot truly respect.  When circumstance deems necessary, I can bite the bullet and make it through the evening, but I don't consider it a weakness to be alone when the alternative makes me want to scream.  I know I've been talking a lot about wanting to scream, but I don't mind because I know my limits. I won't break, when worse comes to worse, I'll just shake a little.  Too much is at stake, namely my pride and my reputation.  I've got to have enough humility to maintain that pride, and I've got to hold my tongue to keep a reputation of being only intense as opposed to overly emotional and unreliable.

I know that and while here it has not been a major problem, I know in my heart how my past is not far behind enough yet for me to drop my guard (and probably never will be).  Tomorrow we've got another exam, and I have to study, but not before I get out some venting, and some pointless, meaningless expression to calm my anger and steady my hand.  Sometimes it seems like everything is peachy-keen until the un-f***ing-thinkable just blindsides you and you're reeling in your head while outwardly you just laugh awkwardly and try to think how to deflect such a sucker punch.  Folks open themselves to injury and it's in their insecurity they strike out against everyone.  So much insecurity and posturing makes me tense and defensive.  Whatever.  Just... whatever.

Socializing Should be Easier

So today I got to go on a zip line adventure... it was great! A little work out - nothing too strenuous - and a chance to feel a little tough. I want to get into rock climbing also. As there are places to be taught the skill, I could start there and move on once I found a group around my skill level, and it would be motivation to stay in shape and get out every once and a while.

I also got my hiking boots in a package recently and that's also calling me... the weather still isn't bad but even when it starts to get chilly I've got a nice fleece and a good jacket... I'm ready enough and there are people around here who are in better shape than I am. They would be great people to go hiking with!

…which brings me to my next point sometimes I am not a people person. It's just frustrating for me to be around a large group of people a handful of who are loud and obnoxiously so. It doesn't really matter how many of them are loud and obnoxious, it just makes me wonder whose parents didn't teach them volume control when they were younger. And I mean when I am repeating myself three or four times in a row to relay one sentence of a story I start to lose interest in telling the story at all. Except that whoever you're talking to will - after they've loudly shouted over your sentence - look at you with innocent expectancy, as though they really want to hear what you've got to say. And it's not even that important of a story and it doesn't really matter and I don't really feel like talking at all anymore. Then I look like the snippy person in the corner, which isn't my intent and I just want to retreat and get away from the whole situation.

It doesn't help to be watching train wrecks in progress. It's great and all to socialize, but sometimes I feel like it should be easier. Like if some people didn't get too loud it would be all the more pleasant. I'm not one to 'shush' a crowd, in fact I think that's rude, but I can't help but wince and roll my eyes at someone who feels like what they have to say is so important they have to talk louder than everyone else in the room; or someone who says subtly demeaning things to or about others to make himself look better. I just wanna kick a person like that in the chest especially when others start mimicking the scapegoat-ery of such a subtly scummy person. Not that either of those sheep are that intimidating either, just shooting them a look after they try to jump on a bandwagon like that and they usually have a fleeting look of guilt or embarrassment. And catching that fleeting look makes me feel a little bit better. It's just the guy shows no sign of knowing he’s doing anything wrong. He may not be bad at heart, but he just injects the room with a vibe I don't really like. And maybe I'm coming from a conservative background in this category, and maybe it's a mood brought on by Benadryl wearing off on an evening where I've got to do some work, but either way I hope I haven't offended anyone - too badly anyway. Burning bridges is something too easy for me to do as my past only shows.